Monday, May 11, 2009

Will it ever get easier?

I miss my mom so much! October 18th will be 10 years since she's been gone and I still miss her as much today as I did 10 years ago. I miss her smile, her laughter, even her yelling at me. What I wouldn't give for just one more day! It's so not fair that my kids will never know her. I can tell them about her and show them pictures of her but they will never know her.

She will never attend a birthday party or a baseball game. She'll never get to hear me say, "Mom, you were right!" My kids will never get to know her for the caring and loving person that she was. It wasn't until she was gone that I realized just how much she meant to me and just how much she sacrificed for her kids.

Life just isn't fair and it's so hard to understand sometimes. Some people live like the devil and live long lives and grow old. Others spend their lives taking care of others and making sacrifices just to die young and leave their loved ones behind. Was her job here done and He was ready for her to come home? Even that is hard for me to grasp. Her job here couldn't have been done because I need her. How it be her time to go when I need her so badly? I just don't understand.

The next couple of days will be tough for me. Today was Mother's Day and I had a really bad day. Tuesday will be her birthday. All I can think about is what I didn't do while she was still here. I never showed her just how important that she was to me. She doesn't know how much I truly appreciate her. I never got to tell her the things I feel in my heart. Oh what I wouldn't give for just one more day!


girl said...

Lotsa love Becky! I'm so sorry.

Michelle Lynn said...

I'm sorry. I'm she knew though, how much she meant to you. Much love for ya.

Tiffany said...

You are an amazing Mama - you must have gotten that from her. She may not have met your babies, but they are a part of her legacy. She did good.

Kelly said...

(((HUGS))) I feel the same way about my mom.

Jamie B said...

Becky, you and i could have long talks about this...except that i have to add in anger...i don't know if i'll EVER be able to come to an understanding or being goes on, but it doesn't make it "easy" by any means! ((hugs)) to you, i'm so sorry that any of us have to go thru loss!