Tuesday, May 26, 2009

The end is near

The end of school that is. I know a lot of parents dread the end of school and having their kids home all summer. Me, I love it! I like having my kids at home with me. Sure, there are times that I need to be alone or wish that Hubs would take them out for awhile but for the most part, I enjoy being with my kids as much as possible. I can't wait for Bubba to be home everyday with Sister and I. Once Baby Girl gets here, Bubba will be a big help to me. I remember how much help he was when Sister was born. He's a great big brother and I couldn't ask for more.

I guess losing my mom at such a young age really taught me to cherish every moment you have with your kids. My mom was taken from me way too soon! I took too many things for granted and there are so many things that I didn't get to say or do while she was still here. I guess that makes me realize, life is short. Our kids, they aren't kids for long. They grow up way too fast! I want to enjoy every moment of them that I can. I want to create memories that we all cherish. If something were to happen to me and God took me away, I want my kids to remember the time that I spent with them. I want them to know beyond a shadow of a doubt that I tried to be the best mom that I could be and my kids always come first. God was good enough to give them to me so I'm going to do my best to take care of them.

All too often I see parents pushing their kids away. Not realizing what they are missing. Not realizing how quickly they grow up. Bubba will be 11 in a couple of weeks and it just makes me sad. While I enjoy every new stage of his life and seeing him grow up, I also hate it. Time goes by so quickly and if we aren't careful we could miss out on a lot. I don't want to miss a thing!

Tuesday, May 12, 2009

Happy Birthday

Happy 52nd Birthday Mom!!! I love you, I miss you, and can't wait to see you on the other side!!!

Monday, May 11, 2009

Will it ever get easier?

I miss my mom so much! October 18th will be 10 years since she's been gone and I still miss her as much today as I did 10 years ago. I miss her smile, her laughter, even her yelling at me. What I wouldn't give for just one more day! It's so not fair that my kids will never know her. I can tell them about her and show them pictures of her but they will never know her.

She will never attend a birthday party or a baseball game. She'll never get to hear me say, "Mom, you were right!" My kids will never get to know her for the caring and loving person that she was. It wasn't until she was gone that I realized just how much she meant to me and just how much she sacrificed for her kids.

Life just isn't fair and it's so hard to understand sometimes. Some people live like the devil and live long lives and grow old. Others spend their lives taking care of others and making sacrifices just to die young and leave their loved ones behind. Was her job here done and He was ready for her to come home? Even that is hard for me to grasp. Her job here couldn't have been done because I need her. How it be her time to go when I need her so badly? I just don't understand.

The next couple of days will be tough for me. Today was Mother's Day and I had a really bad day. Tuesday will be her birthday. All I can think about is what I didn't do while she was still here. I never showed her just how important that she was to me. She doesn't know how much I truly appreciate her. I never got to tell her the things I feel in my heart. Oh what I wouldn't give for just one more day!

Monday, May 4, 2009

Closer and closer

I'm getting closer every day to being the mommy of three. Growing up I had always said that I wanted three children. Then after Hubs and I tried for so many years to have another child I came to grips with the fact that God was only going to bless me with one. After years of trying and years of disappointment I was really finally okay with that. Bubba was big enough to not need a car seat anymore. When we got ready to go somewhere I could tell him to load up and let's go. No diaper bags, no snack packs, no sippy cups. He and I could just hop in the truck and go wherever we wanted to go.

My how life has changed in the last two years. Two years ago it was just Bubba and I. Now we have a sweet girly that is about to be two and another one on the way. It's still hard to believe sometimes that I am going to be the mother of three. God granted my wish, but He granted it in His time, not mine. For whatever reason, God chose to bless us with two babies. Just when I had given up, He knew when the timing was right. I feel so blessed!

Time is ticking and it's only a matter of weeks until Thumper arrives. In a way I am so ready for her to be here. Then reality strikes and I think, "What in the world am I going to do?" Am I going to be able to balance my time with three children? All of my life all I ever wanted to be was a good wife and a good mommy. I hope I can handle it and do the job right. It's going to be an amazing trip!