Thursday, January 29, 2009

Not sure what to do

I got a very unexpected phone call tonight. It was from my little sister. She lives in the town where my ex lives and all of his relatives. She and I don't get along very well and only talk a couple of times a year. So, when she called tonight I was a little shocked and waiting to hear what she wanted this time. It seems that the only time she calls is when she wants something.

Once she got past the small talk she says, "I need a really really big favor." She tells me that my ex's mother is dying. She has been diagnosed with brain/lung cancer like my mother had. They are giving her two weeks to live and she wants to see Bubba before she dies. First of all, that is not my choice to make. Bubba is old enough to make those kind of decisions on his own. He's a smart boy! So, I told her to give me a call back tomorrow and I will let her know.

Part of me doesn't even want to mention it to him. I know I have to and it is ultimately his choice but why now? She never cared about him when the ex and I were married. She never had anything to do with him, didn't even come to the baby shower or his first birthday. She's never been to any birthday of his as far as that goes. She hasn't seen him in well over six years. Never once has she sent him a birthday card, a Christmas card, or anything to let him know that she cares that he exists. Why should I even bother worrying him with this? Would it be wrong for me to just not tell him? I am almost certain that he will not want to go see her but he has such a big heart he may just want to grant her this one wish. I am so torn as to what to do. This parenting stuff just gets harder and harder!

Wednesday, January 28, 2009

Lemonade Award

Woot! Woot! I got an award today from I'm so honored! Thanks Amy!

Here are the rules:
1. Put the logo on your blog or post.
2. Nominate at least 10 blogs which show great attitude and/or grattitude!
3. Be sure to link to your nominees within your post.
4. Let them know that they have received this award by commenting on their blog.
5. Share the love and link to this post and to the person from whom you received the award.

So, here's a few blogs that I like to read and am therefore nominating for this cool award.

Monday, January 26, 2009

Will I make it?

I'm not 100% sure that I will make it to 40 weeks. The heartburn and indigestion just may kill me first. Tums, Rolaids, Mylanta, even Half & Half. Nothing seems to help. Tonight it is so bad that I am literally in pain. I'm so sleepy but can't sleep. Not to mention that I am so bloated that I feel like I am about to bust. Grrrr! Okay, enough complaining, I said I wasn't going to do that anymore. Oooops!

On a better note, I have decided that this baby's nickname is Thumper. She/he is constantly thumping on me. Not that I'm complaining because I love to feel the baby moving. The kicking and moving is the best part of being pregnant. I missed that feeling so badly after I had Sister. I remember seeing pregnant women and being jealous of their bellies. Yeah, I know, I'm nutso. Having Sister so early taught me a lot. I won't take one second of this pregnancy for granted.

Saturday, January 24, 2009

Teamwork Baby

Today was the second weekend of our basketball season. I only have 5 boys on my team so their health is very important. Our schedule had us playing out of town today and playing two games back to back. I must admit that I was a little worried about the boys and their stamina. That's two full hours of running up and down the court and I wasn't sure that they were quite ready for that. Not to mention the first team that we were scheduled to play was a really tough team, the only team that we had never beaten before. We've been playing for 6 years now and this team is tough. The have a good coach and they are well disciplined boys. Year before last we got within 4 points of them but still no defeat.

Our first game was at 1:00 p.m. My boys were pumped up and ready to play. Then they saw the other team. All of those boys were bigger, stronger, and a little intimidating. I told my guys to just play their game and do their best, that's all that we could do. The first quarter, my boys played exceptional defense, only allowing 2 points. We were having a little trouble getting in the lane because it was the first time that we were up against zone defense. By the second quarter we made the adjustments that we needed to make and we got on the board. By halftime we were down 10-4. Not too bad, but getting a little scary.

We came back in the third quarter and held them to no points while we scored 10. I have never seen my boys play such disciplined basketball. They were playing like a TEAM. No one was hogging the ball and no one was trying to shine. All five of them were shining! By the start of the fourth quarter the coach of the other team was so upset that he grabbed the ball and threw it to the floor making it bounce almost up to the rafters. My boys went on to finish the game 22-12. I have never been more proud of five boys in my life. They played GREAT basketball and I believe that at that point, they could have taken on the world.

Those five boys only had a five minute break before their next ballgame. They were so pumped that they didn't even look winded. They were on top of the world. We went on to win the second game 19-5, beating another rivalry. I must admit, I am not the most liked coach out there. I am the only woman in our league that coaches and those men can't stand to be beaten by my team. To get out coached by a woman, it's the end of the world. Yep, I get a thrill out of it. But today, I wasn't as concerned about beating the men as I was thrilled with my boys for their spectacular display of teamwork and good sportsmanship. It takes a team to win and WIN we did! WAY TO GO BOYS!

Friday, January 23, 2009

Sleep child sleep

Yesterday was an absolutely beautiful day! It was sunny and 75 degrees. Just a beautiful day for outside play. Sister and I jumped on the trampoline, played on the swing, rode the tricycle, and all sorts of things outside. Then we had to go pick Bubba up from school. Once we got back home we all three played outside for a couple more hours. Little girl played HARD and had so much fun outside in the beautiful sunshine. We were so busy playing that we missed our nap.

Later that evening she took a little power nap of about 20 minutes while we were waiting on Daddy to get home. She helped me cook, she helped with the laundry, she helped Daddy unload firewood out of the truck. She had a really busy day! I was certain that after we had eaten dinner and taken our shower that she would pass out for the night. WRONG!

Little Miss Priss was up running around and playing until 1:00 a.m. I finally got so tired that she and I just went and got into the bed with daddy and she played in the bed until she finally went to sleep somewhere around 1:30 a.m. This pregnant momma has to get up a couple of times a night to potty. Then when the alarm went off at 6:00 a.m. I couldn't hardly drag myself out of bed. I know I know I know that I have a new baby coming but jeepers creepers I need my sleep NOW.

I thought for sure once we took Bubba to school this morning that we could come home and take a nap. Ummm, NO! She's running around playing like she's had a full night's sleep while I'm dragging my butt this morning. Please, please, please, let this dear child sleep tonight. I NEED sleep! Sleep is a GOOD thing!

Tuesday, January 20, 2009

Time to put myself in check

Watching the local news last night really got me to thinking. There is so much sadness in the world and so many people that are much worse off than me. The world we live in, it's not always so nice. People, they can be so cruel and heartless. I have so much to be thankful for. Sure, there are things that I want, and sometimes even things that I need, but my needs, far fewer than so many others out there. I have taken pride in the fact that I am an optimistic person. I like to see the positive in things. I hate negativism, to me it's such a cop out.

Lately, I think I have been too negative and I don't like that. I don't want to become one of those people that pops onto a message board to complain about their life and get sympathy and be gone. To make a FB update about how awful my life is and wait for the responses. God has been good to me and blessed me so abundantly. My children are healthy, my husband and I are healthy, we have a roof over our heads and food to eat. We have so much more than so many others. It becomes easy to complain. We get wrapped up in our own selfishness and forget what is right in front of us, the goodness that is in our lives. I'm really going to start working on that. I am going to start being more thankful for what I have and complain less about what I don't.

Situations and circumstances can't always be helped. We have to deal with what we've got often times. Other times, we have the ability to get ourselves out of those situations and circumstances and move on, to take control and change things. I vow not to complain but to do something, change things. Be thankful that my situation isn't as bad as it could be. It's okay to see the negative but while I'm looking at the negative, also look at the positive and know what is in front of me. Know that God has given me the strength and ability to handle whatever it is that comes my way. So today, I am starting with a new attitude. I'm going to be more thankful and complain less, wanna join me?

Friday, January 16, 2009

I don't know if I'll ever be over it

Everytime I think I am over it, something happens to bring back it all back. Recently there have been several of my old classmates posting pictures and stuff on FB. Old pics for high school, junior high, and even a few from elementary. Pics from school dances, junior/senior prom, graduation celebration photos, just memories from our teenage years. The problem, I don't have any of those memories. I was never allowed to go to prom, school dances, or project graduation. I wasn't allowed to spend the night with a friend or have a friend over for the weekend. Hell I wasn't even allowed to have a friend call me and God forbid that I ran into someone I knew from school at the grocery store or something. I would have to hang my head like I didn't see them and pray that they didn't speak to me.

I didn't realize until later exatly how much I missed out on. I never got to be a teenager. I wasn't allowed to do the things that normal teenagers done. No going out on dates, no hanging out at the mall with my friends, no movies or sleep-overs. I was too busy cooking and cleaning. Too busy being beaten and molested.

The night I graduated turned out to be one of the worst nights of my life. A memory I wish I could forget. I waited so long for that day for it to be ruined by my father. I woke up that morning about 4:00 a.m. with strep throat. I spent several hours in the ER that morning and then most of the day in bed sick. I also turned 18 that day. My 18th birthday, it was supposed to be so special right? Wrong! At 7:00 that night I went to graduation. I was very sick but determined to walk across that stage. After we had all walked across the stage and gotten our blank peices of paper, my mom came to me and told me that my daddy (the man that raised me and is still my daddy to this day) was looking for me. My father was standing there and he got that look, I knew that I was in trouble. I went with my mom and found my daddy. He hugged me and told me how proud he was of me and gave me a card with some money in it. I told him and my mom bye as I walked back towards my father. No celebrating with friends, I guess I was really too sick to anyway. I knew it was going to be bad but I didn't know how bad.

He yelled at me all the way home. Words I will never forget. I was so scared and so sick that I could barely keep my head up. When we walked into the house, he threw me to the floor. He cussed me and told me how awful I was. He ripped my clothes and then held a knife to my throat. It seems like that night lasted forever. Happy freaking 18th birthday and Happy graduation night! Yeah, those are the memories that I have.

No one I went to school with knows/knew what was happening to me. So many times I was asked to go places and do things and I always had an excuse. Seeing all of the old photos and the good times that they were having really makes me sad. My teenage years, the ones that everyone remembers as the good times, I wish I couldn't remember because those were the worst times of my life.

Every time I think I am over it. Every time I think I have forgiven him and moved on. Something else happens to bring it back up again. Will I ever be able to get over it? Will it haunt me for the rest of my life? Maybe, maybe not, I dont' know. There is one thing I do know though, my children, they will be teenagers and they WILL have good memories and that's a fact!

Thursday, January 15, 2009

I think I have gotten my point across

I haven't seen mil since Saturday at Bubba's basketball game and I've only spoken to her about twice on the phone this week. Normally, she calls 5-6 times a day. I've really enjoyed not having to listen to her all week. She really is a good person and she means well and all but she is like a cancer for me. I don't think I have ever talked to her without her talking bad about somebody. I'm sure she has always done it but it didn't affect me until after I had Sister. When she talked about me behind my back and I found out about it, it all came to me. She talks about everyone else so why wouldn't she talk about me?

She is constantly talking about Hubs nephew and his wife. They had their first son 4 years ago and from the time that child was born she talked about them. They didn't do this right and they didn't do that right. Their parenting skills weren't what she was used to so therefore it wasn't right. She talks about how terrible her house looks and how dirty it is. The laundry is never done and there is mold growing on things in the fridge. Now that they have their second son and she's still breastfeeding him at 11 months it's just the worst thing in the world. They let the kids nap late at night and then they stay up too late and therefore sleep too late. Who cares???? It's their kids and they are raising them the way they want to raise them. No one is getting hurt so leave them alone!

I get so sick and tired of listening to her talk about other people. She is one of those people that if it isn't done her way then it is the wrong way. I have listened to her talk about other people so much that I KNOW she has to be talking about me behind my back too. Why wouldn't she? She's done it once and got caught so I know she's doing it again. That is why I have chosen to put a distance between us. The less she knows about me the less she can talk about me.

She and sil are leaving tomorrow and will be gone for a few days. I know that it is killing her that she didn't get to see Sister before she leaves. They are going to the other sil's house 9 hours away. I am sure once they get there I will be topic of conversation. I sometimes feel bad because we used to have a really great relationship but once she talked bad about me and hurt me like that, I just can't get past it. It isn't like I am holding a grudge, I just want to keep her at a distance so that she doesn't have much to talk about. I'm not going to give her ammunition in other words. Stay out of my house so you can't tell people that I don't keep as clean of a house as you do and stay away from me so that I don't do something that you disapprove of.

Tuesday, January 13, 2009

It's that time again

It's that time of year again. Time to get all of our receipts and stuff together to take to the accountant. 2008 wasn't such a great year for us. We paid the bills and all but didn't have much extra after that. Gas prices hurt us pretty bad and this stinking economy...well you already know how evil it can be. We just paid the I.R.S. over $700 for that stupid audit that took forever so it feels like we just got done with all of this stuff. Now here we go again. Maybe, just maybe we'll get a little something back. I sure hope so!

Bubba had a rather odd request today. He wanted to know if we had a lock and chain that he could borrow for a few days. He says that they are doing a project in class and he needs it for his project. Ok, what kind of project calls for a lock and chain? They have to bring an object or a picture of an object to class and then write a poem about the object. Then the poem is going to be submitted into a contest of some sort. He assured me that this poem would NOT be about blood and gore, lol. He said he wants to write about something to do with your soul being bound by locks and chains. He didn't really want to let me in on what he had planned so I left him alone about it. He has a great imagination and I can't wait to see what he comes up with. He seems to really enjoy writing so I want to encourage it as much as possible.

Monday, January 12, 2009

Where's the motivation when you need it?

There's laundry piled up in the laundry room, dishes in the sink, and floors to be done. I walk by, look at the mess, and just keep walking. All the time thinking, I'll get to it in a minute. Sister has toys scattered from here to Kalamazoo. There is so much that I could be doing, yet I sit on this darn computer.
I have to meet Hubs this afternoon so that we can close on the house. This new interest rate is going to save us a bundle. We never should have agreed to a loan at 14.99% interest to begin with but at the time we were desperate. We HAD to get out of that other house. We needed the space so badly. This new interest rate of 6% is much more reasonable. We actually cut the length of the loan in half and will still be paying the same monthly amount. That's just so awesome!

Bubba has to go talk to the counselor at school today. It's over that poem that he wrote. He and I talked about it and I told him how very talented he was but he couldn't write stuff like that at school anymore. I deep down believe that he was just being a boy and he really was trying to just make an interesting poem and get a good grade. He said that anyone can write "Roses are red, violets are blue." He's right, I must admit. I don't know what all the counselor will say to him or what questions she will ask, I just told him to be honest and be himself. As long as he does that, he has nothing to worry about. I sent his teacher an email this morning and let her know that I talked to him about the poem and that all is well on our end. She's a really nice teacher and I'm glad that she's looking out for him. She told me when I talked to her the other day that the poem was probably nothing and she realized how dramatic that Bubba could be. She just wanted to be sure and would feel badly if there was something there that she missed. I can understand that and I appreciate it. We need more teachers that actually care about the kids.

We lost our first basketball game Saturday. I only have 5 boys so they have to play the entire game without a break. It's gonna be tough on them but it should surely get them into shape. The final score was 23-25 but I was VERY proud of them. The team we were playing had two boys that stood at least a head taller than all of my boys. My boys couldn't even jump to reach them when they went for the rebound. I have told these boys since we started playing when they were 5 yrs old that free throws win games and free throws lose games. Well we made 6 free throws Saturday, but we also missed 6. You do the math! I'm still proud of them and I'm ready for the next game.

Friday, January 9, 2009

Six Weeks

Tomorrow starts our six week season of basketball. This will be the last season of anything that I coach Bubba. It really makes me sad! I have coached him since he was 4 yrs. old. I've fought against all odds and won. I've been the only female coach bucking up against all of those men. Some of the men I coached with and against were great, others, well they thought that women belonged in the stands. I think part of it was that they couldn't take it that I knew more about the sport than they did. I'm not as savvy at basketball as I am with baseball but I still make it a point to know my stuff.

I started playing baseball when I was 4 yrs old. I was the only girl on a team full of boys. When I was eight, the town that I lived in had softball for girls for the first time so I played girls fastpitch softball that year. Then we moved to another town and they only had baseball so it was back to the boys again for a few years. I didn't mind being the only girl on the team, it was kinda cool. I pitched and played shortstop for an all boy team, how cool is that? I have played ball all of my life. It was my dream to play in college and then go on to the Olympics. My father saw to it that my dream didn't come true but my love for the game never changed.

Basketball was a fun sport and I enjoyed playing it in Junior High and High School but I didn't have a passion for it like I did baseball/softball. I've enjoyed coaching it and I'm gonna miss it. Of course, Sister will play in a few years and I will get to coach her too, hehe. I'm just sad that I won't be coaching Bubba anymore after this 6 week season is over.

Something else is happening in six weeks. I get to find out the sex of this baby!!!! I can't wait! I don't really care what sex the baby is, part of me wants a boy and part of me wants a girl, as long as the baby is healthy, that's all that matters. I can't believe how fast this pregnancy is going!

Tuesday, January 6, 2009

Our First Seine of the New Year

We haven't seined fish in over a month. It gets a little slow around the holidays. I don't mind because I need the break. Tomorrow, we have our first seine of the new year. I must admit that I am not looking forward to it. I know it has to be done and that it is money in our pocket but it doesn't mean that I have to like it. Hubs just doesn't understand why I complain about it so much. Well, let's see, my idea of fun is NOT slipping into my waders, getting into the ice cold water, and loading up a bunch of flipping, flopping, and splashing catfish. It is not on my list of things that I enjoy doing. He gets a little annoyed with my complaining so I really try not to complain but he can hear the tone in my voice when we talk about it and that makes him angry. I have asked him many times, "How many other women would get out here and do what I do?" His response is always the same, "I don't know of any!" Well then shut up and let me complain, lol.

It really isn't THAT hard of work. I can handle it. I just don't like it. Plain and simple. Just to give you an idea of what "Seining" actually ya go.

The day before we "seine" we put the seine out into the pond. We have a 650ft seine that is on a big huge seine reel. We use the tractor and the hydraulics on one side and then the truck and a pulley on the other. We stretch the seine out across the width of the pond. It takes us about 30 minutes to get everything done.

The day of the seine: Hubs drives the tractor and I drive the truck. He hooks up to the seine on one side of the pond and I on the other. We take turns pulling the seine down the length of the pond. It takes us about 45 minutes to do this. We have to drive very very slow so that they seine drags the bottom of the pond. As long as nothing goes wrong, no ropes break or anything, this part goes rather smoothly. It's just a little boring, lol.

Once Hubs gets his part of the seine to the end he stops and waits on me. I have to then drag my part of the seine around the corner of the pond and across the other side until I meet with him. We then hook both ends of the seine back onto the reel.

This is where it gets "fun." I go park the truck and go get my waders on. Hubs hooks up all of the ropes and makes sure everything is secure. He backs the seine reel down into the pond while I block the tires with blocks. We both get into the water and start reeling the seine in. It takes us about 30 minutes to reel the seine in. Once we have the seine reeled in to where we want it we have to take metal stakes and stake the lead line down so that the fish can't get out.

We get the scales hooked up on the tripod and get the truck with the tank backed up into the loading area. By this time I am usually ready to get the party over with. We take a two man dip net and dip the fish out of the pond. We usually load up about 75-85 lbs at a time. During the summer when we catch more fish we will load up to 140 lbs at a time. We dip the fish, weigh them, and then I have to climb onto the back of the truck and hold the net up for Hubs to dump them into the tank. It's a really nasty job. Those stinking fish splash and jump everywhere. Catfish have a really thick slime on them that feels like snot so when you pick them up it gets all stuck in between your fingers and such. It usually only takes us about 15 minutes to load the fish unless we have a really big order. But, during that 15 minutes I get so dirty and nasty that it is unreal. Mud in my hair, fish slime all over my hands and arms. Not to mention the water is freaking COLD.

So, tomorrow, I will be having "FUN!" I'm so excited about it, can't you tell? Anyone wanna come take my place?

Friday, January 2, 2009

I Did It :)

New Year's Eve night my dear sweet mil called. She wanted to know what we were doing and how "her" baby was doing. I told her that we were outside by the fire, popping fireworks and having a good time. A few minutes later she called back and tried to invite herself and several others over to my house. I handed the phone to Hubs and let him talk to her. He told her that we were about done and that there was no need in them coming over. Whewwww! I was so glad! I know it sounds horrible but I didn't want to ring in the New Year with my mil. New Year's Eve, taken care of.

New Years Day, mil calls again. "What are y'all doing?" I explained to her that we were just hanging out. The boys were outside setting up the new basketball goal and Sister and I were getting ready to start our cooking. "Oh no, there's no need in cooking, I've got plenty to eat over here. The kitchen will be open all day, y'all just come when you get ready." I told her that I would have to talk to Hubs and see what he said but more than likely we would be staying home. Thank God, Hubs agreed. We were going to stay home and just enjoy time with our kids. New Years Day, taken care of.

Today, we made it until almost 1:00 p.m. before she called. "I didn't want anything, just wanted to see what y'all were doing and how MY baby girl was doing, oh and my baby boy too. I thought I'd run by over there for a few minutes and see them and get some sugar off of um'. I've gotta see how baby girl likes her new chair!" I know I had a smile on my face when I told her that we weren't at home and I so badly wanted to tell her that Sister hasn't sat in that damn chair once since we brought it home, but I didn't. Sorry mil but we are in town running some errands and won't be home for awhile. I'd really love to chat but we just pulled into the Cotton Patch and we are ready to go in and eat. I could hear the disappointment in her voice and for a second, only a second, I kinda felt bad. She really does mean well but she's seriously gotta back off!

I've made it THREE days without my mil!!!! I started the year off without my mil!!!! I haven't had to bathe my child during the middle of the day because she smells like an old lady!!!!!! I haven't had to listen to someone tell me what they would do if they were me!!!! I'm LOVING it!!!! I know I am probably jinxing myself and she will show up tomorrow but I STARTED THE NEW YEAR OFF WITHOUT HAVING TO SEE HER AND I AM HAPPY!!!!!!!!