Friday, August 7, 2009

I'm still here


I seem to have abandoned my poor blog lately. A lot has happened in the last month. My family of 4 is now a family of 5. I now have two beautiful girls to love and a handsome boy. Bubba and his team won the State Championship!! Dr. visits and dentist appointments. Getting ready for back to school. My list goes on and on. I think I am finally adjusting to having two "babies." Yes, Sister is now a toddler but she's still a baby too. She's doing well but the terrible two's are upon us. Thumper is amazing! She's my mini-me. I'm having a little, okay a lot, of trouble getting her to take a bottle. I have tried four different kinds so far and she won't have any of them. I NEED her to take one every now and then. I love nursing her but momma needs a break from time to time. At this point I don't know if she will ever take a bottle. I am going to meet with a consultant next week and maybe, just maybe she'll have a pointer or two. Bubba has another tournament this weekend so I have lots to do but I promise to try and do better with the blog. Gotta go for now, there's a beautiful blue eyed baby waiting for momma to feed her! :-)

Tuesday, June 23, 2009

I'm ready


Well, as ready as I'm gonna get anyway. I made it! It's bittersweet! It went by so fast and I wish that I had more time but I don't, therefore I'm ready. The heat is getting to me. My body is swelling and I'm miserable. Fingers and toes feel like sausages and it's getting hard to walk without a serious waddle.
The never ending comments, they are old. I take Bubba to baseball practice 4 days a week and every single time we go someone has to ask, "Haven't had that baby yet?" I'd really like to come back with something snarky and mean but I just smile and go on. People really don't mean anything by it, they just don't think before they speak.

The next few weeks are going to be really hard. Hard on all of us. Bubba is right in the middle of All-Stars. His District tournament starts this Friday. If they play well then they should make it all the way to the championship game. Well, that game, it's on Tuesday, the day I'm scheduled for my c-section. It really makes me sad that I'll have to miss Bubba's big day. I've only missed about 3 baseball games in his entire life and to have to miss the District Championship is heartbreaking. I'm ready for Thumper to arrive but the timing in all of it stinks. Then if/when they win the District Championship they will go on to state in a couple of weeks. It's a little further away in a bigger town. I'll get broke in good doing my travels for the first time with three kiddos. By the end of July it will all be over. Thumper will be here, All-Stars will be over, and maybe, just maybe, I can settle down and breath a bit before it's time for Bubba to go back to school.

I need a vacation!!!

Wednesday, June 17, 2009

The Final Countdown


It looks like we've made it, look how far we've come my baby! I'm just full of lyrics today, lol. It's a great feeling to know that we've made it!!! My baby girl is FULL TERM! I've tried really hard to enjoy every moment of this pregnancy and the end will be very bittersweet because I know this is the last baby for me. I'm getting a little tired now, feet and hands are staying swollen and the overall miserable feeling has taken over. I know I just have a few more days to enjoy those flips and kicks in my belly though. It's an amazing feeling to have a little one inside of you moving around, knowing that you are giving her life. I'll miss that soon! I can't wait to meet her and love and cuddle her. I have so many mixed emotions going on right now. It's crazy! I must admit, I am kinda ready for that hospital stay, I'm ready to rest. I'm constantly on the go and haven't slowed down enough to catch my breath. I'm ready for to breath a minute. I'm worried about Sister and Hubs though. I know they will do fine without me but it's gonna be hard for me not to worry about them. I never did get those maternity shots that I wanted but I've got plenty of photos this time around. Bubba has taken my pic for me every few weeks and done a pretty amazing job. That's good enough for me! It won't be long now, I'll be a mommy of three!!!

Wednesday, June 10, 2009

My poor blog

It has been abandoned lately thanks to too much Farm Town, swollen feet, and just down right laziness. Thumper will be here soon!! I'm not exactly sure how soon but we know it's soon. The original plan was to go to the 30th of June. Now, I'll just be happy to make it past Sunday. I never thought that I'd make it to 37 weeks but I am ever so close. A lot of my fears and anxiety are over now. I made it! If my baby girl decides to come a little early at this point, she will be okay. There should be no extended stays in the NICU. No emergency C-secs where they knock me out and take my baby. I'm so proud of myself for making it this far. No one thought that I would. The only anxiety that I am having now is what about Sister? She's never been away from me at night, nor I without her. No one has ever put her to bed but her mommy. She loves her daddy and I know he will do the best that he can but..... I'm sure they will be fine, it will be me that misses her the most I am sure. I've never been away from her for more than a couple of hours and that was only while she was with her daddy. Will she think that I have abandoned her? Will she cry for me? I just don't know. I know that we will make it and everything will be okay but me being the control freak that I am, I can't help but worry about it. Bubba, he will be fine. He is big enough to take care of himself. The only thing I worry about him is what he is eating and if he is getting enough sleep. He's a good boy and I couldn't do it without him.

Hang in there Thumper, we are almost there baby girl!

Tuesday, May 26, 2009

The end is near

The end of school that is. I know a lot of parents dread the end of school and having their kids home all summer. Me, I love it! I like having my kids at home with me. Sure, there are times that I need to be alone or wish that Hubs would take them out for awhile but for the most part, I enjoy being with my kids as much as possible. I can't wait for Bubba to be home everyday with Sister and I. Once Baby Girl gets here, Bubba will be a big help to me. I remember how much help he was when Sister was born. He's a great big brother and I couldn't ask for more.

I guess losing my mom at such a young age really taught me to cherish every moment you have with your kids. My mom was taken from me way too soon! I took too many things for granted and there are so many things that I didn't get to say or do while she was still here. I guess that makes me realize, life is short. Our kids, they aren't kids for long. They grow up way too fast! I want to enjoy every moment of them that I can. I want to create memories that we all cherish. If something were to happen to me and God took me away, I want my kids to remember the time that I spent with them. I want them to know beyond a shadow of a doubt that I tried to be the best mom that I could be and my kids always come first. God was good enough to give them to me so I'm going to do my best to take care of them.

All too often I see parents pushing their kids away. Not realizing what they are missing. Not realizing how quickly they grow up. Bubba will be 11 in a couple of weeks and it just makes me sad. While I enjoy every new stage of his life and seeing him grow up, I also hate it. Time goes by so quickly and if we aren't careful we could miss out on a lot. I don't want to miss a thing!

Tuesday, May 12, 2009

Happy Birthday


Happy 52nd Birthday Mom!!! I love you, I miss you, and can't wait to see you on the other side!!!

Monday, May 11, 2009

Will it ever get easier?

I miss my mom so much! October 18th will be 10 years since she's been gone and I still miss her as much today as I did 10 years ago. I miss her smile, her laughter, even her yelling at me. What I wouldn't give for just one more day! It's so not fair that my kids will never know her. I can tell them about her and show them pictures of her but they will never know her.

She will never attend a birthday party or a baseball game. She'll never get to hear me say, "Mom, you were right!" My kids will never get to know her for the caring and loving person that she was. It wasn't until she was gone that I realized just how much she meant to me and just how much she sacrificed for her kids.

Life just isn't fair and it's so hard to understand sometimes. Some people live like the devil and live long lives and grow old. Others spend their lives taking care of others and making sacrifices just to die young and leave their loved ones behind. Was her job here done and He was ready for her to come home? Even that is hard for me to grasp. Her job here couldn't have been done because I need her. How it be her time to go when I need her so badly? I just don't understand.

The next couple of days will be tough for me. Today was Mother's Day and I had a really bad day. Tuesday will be her birthday. All I can think about is what I didn't do while she was still here. I never showed her just how important that she was to me. She doesn't know how much I truly appreciate her. I never got to tell her the things I feel in my heart. Oh what I wouldn't give for just one more day!

Monday, May 4, 2009

Closer and closer

I'm getting closer every day to being the mommy of three. Growing up I had always said that I wanted three children. Then after Hubs and I tried for so many years to have another child I came to grips with the fact that God was only going to bless me with one. After years of trying and years of disappointment I was really finally okay with that. Bubba was big enough to not need a car seat anymore. When we got ready to go somewhere I could tell him to load up and let's go. No diaper bags, no snack packs, no sippy cups. He and I could just hop in the truck and go wherever we wanted to go.

My how life has changed in the last two years. Two years ago it was just Bubba and I. Now we have a sweet girly that is about to be two and another one on the way. It's still hard to believe sometimes that I am going to be the mother of three. God granted my wish, but He granted it in His time, not mine. For whatever reason, God chose to bless us with two babies. Just when I had given up, He knew when the timing was right. I feel so blessed!

Time is ticking and it's only a matter of weeks until Thumper arrives. In a way I am so ready for her to be here. Then reality strikes and I think, "What in the world am I going to do?" Am I going to be able to balance my time with three children? All of my life all I ever wanted to be was a good wife and a good mommy. I hope I can handle it and do the job right. It's going to be an amazing trip!

Thursday, April 30, 2009

Where did my toddler go?


My boy, he's growing up before my very eyes. Part of me can't stand it. I want my baby back! He was my one and only for 9 years. He and I are so close and I cherish that. My little boy isn't a baby anymore. He's not that chunky little blond haired toddler that used to make me laugh. Now he's a preteen, in junior high, and showing interest in girls. Time goes by so fast!!!

I watched him and his daddy seine fish last night and he is such a great helper. He's really stepped up and helped his daddy out since I can't do it now. I'm so glad that he enjoys helping his daddy and we don't have to force him. Seeing him grow and blossom is amazing. But....what happened to my toddler? In the back of my mind I can still see that little boy with blond hair and baby fat. It seems like only yesterday that I was laying beside him in bed every night until he fell asleep. Like only yesterday I was packing his lunch in his Power Rangers lunch box. I love the boy that he has become but I also miss the baby that he was. Life is short and it goes by so quickly.

He and I are still very close and I pray that we stay that way. I know that sometimes I am too hard on him and I have to watch what I say and do. I just want him to grow up to be a good person, a respecter of women, a man that others look up to. I want so many things for him but I know that he has to blossom and grow on his own. Gah, I love that kid! I just want the best for him!

Love your babies and cherish every moment you have with them because one day, you'll look around and they'll be all grown up. It happens that fast! I am so thankful for every moment that I have gotten to spend with my children. They are my greatest gift!!

Saturday, April 25, 2009

I'm pregnant dang it!


The kids and I had to make a quick run to the grocery store tonight after Bubba's baseball game. While we were there we ran into some old friends of ours. She commented that they had seen us at the ballpark. She said, "We recognized you half way across the ballpark. Mother said that you looked like you were having twins." Who the crap says that? How do I respond to that?

While we were at the ballpark tonight I ran into some friends that we hadn't seen in about a year. When he saw me he said, "So the rumor is true, you are having another baby. When are you due, you look like you are about to pop."

In the last week I have heard, "Are you going to make it to July?" "You're really poking out there aren't you?" "Are you going to have that baby today?" "My gosh you look miserable." "I think you've got twins in there." The list goes on. Only ONCE, just ONCE have I heard a nice comment. It was tonight at the ballpark. Another mom told me that I looked "cute and glowing." I almost cried when she said it. I am so used to people and their negative remarks that I didn't know how to react to someone saying something nice.

What is it with people? They don't think before they speak. Why is it so hard to say something nice to someone? I'm proud of my pregnant belly. God planted a miracle in my stomach and I want the world to see. I admit that I've gained a little more weight than I would have like to. I've still got more gaining to do. But....I am not ashamed of the way I look. I am carrying God's miracle! It would just be nice if more people recognized that instead of focusing on the negative. Why do people always focus on the negative?

Friday, April 24, 2009

Wow what a week and it isn't over yet!

The trip to the dentist, it wasn't what I was hoping it would be. Bubba had to have 4 teeth pulled. They were baby teeth that had permanent teeth trying to push them out. He also had 2 cavities. Ugh! Sister, she didn't want them looking at her teeth. She kept saying, no mommy, my teeth. We finally had to just hold her down. It didn't take but a minute and she was fine afterwards but it still wasn't fun. We ended up spending about 3 hours at the dentist office and have an appointment to go back in a month.

I have an appointment with the OBGYN today. It went well! I actually don't have to go back for 2 more weeks. I'm really glad because originally she said every week but is going to let me slide this time. When I go back in 2 weeks I will have an u/s to see how everything is looking. We are taking precautions and trying everything we can to keep Thumper in there as long as possible.

Tomorrow is girls day out. Sister and I, mil, sil, and sil's friend, will go for a girls day out. It should be fun!

Monday, April 20, 2009

Catching up


Gah, I've abandoned my poor blog lately. I've been super busy! I did the March for Babies walk and am so glad that I did. We got rained on and it was a little tough the second half of the walk but I'm happy that we did it. Bubba is proud of himself too! He has all kinds of plans for next year and we will get a bigger head start on the fundraising for sure.

Tomorrow the kids both have dentist appointments. There are no pediatric dentists in the area so I have to drive an hour to the closest one. I could take them to a regular dentist here but I would rather drive the extra miles and see that they have a good experience. I hate going to the dentist and I don't want them feeling that way.

Thursday I'll drive an hour to see my OBGYN. After this visit I have to start going on a weekly basis. She wants to take every precaution necessary to see to it that I don't have this baby early. I must admit, the closer I get to 33 wks. the more scared I get. I'm trying really hard not to stress over it because I know that stress isn't good for me nor the baby but it's hard not to think about. Having Sister the way I did was the scariest thing I have ever been through in my life and I don't want to go through that again, ever. Bake baby bake!

Friday, Bubba has another baseball game. He's been doing VERY well and I am so proud of him. His pitching has been excellent and he's crushing the ball. So far he's 6 for 8 at the plate. Couldn't ask for any better!

Hubs has plans for planting peas, corn, and tomatoes this weekend. The forecast is sunny and beautiful so I am kinda looking forward to it. I'm not sure how much planting I will do but I intend on spending some quality time outdoors with my family none the less.

Sunday, April 12, 2009

Easter Reunion



Every year, the Saturday before Easter, we have a big family get together. My dad's side of the family all gathers at the park and cooks burgers and hot dogs. We have way too many sweets, the kids have a great time on the playground, the men talk about hunting and work while the women catch up on all of the happenings in our daily lives. We always have a great time!

This year, was the best! I saw faces this year that I haven't seen in years. Cousins that I used to be extremely close to but hadn't been in contact with since high school showed up yesterday. It was really nice seeing them and their families. It's amazing to see how we've all grown up. I can remember going to these big Easter get togethers and being the kiddo. Now, I have kiddo's of my own. It's sad to see the elders disappearing though. So many of them have gone on to the other side. The ones that are left aren't in the greatest of health. Kinda makes me sad and makes me feel old too. It really makes me realize just how short life really is. Our kids grow up too fast and if we aren't careful, we'll miss out on important things.

Seeing so many of my relatives this weekend made me stop and think, what do you have if you don't have family? Whether that family be big or small, we NEED them in our lives. How blessed we are to have family! There was not one person there yesterday that shared the same blood as I. Not one person that shared my genes. (Other than my children) But EVERYONE there was my family. Aunts, Uncles, cousins, they don't have to share your blood to be your family. My daddy, we don't share the same blood but he is my daddy in every since of the word. I've been a part of his family since I was 2 years old. Love, loyalty, compassion, that makes a family, not blood. There was not one person at that reunion yesterday that I couldn't call at any time of the day or night if I needed them. They would be there and I would be there for them. Family, we need to cherish our families and be thankful for what we've got. I couldn't imagine my life without them!!

Tuesday, March 31, 2009

Income Tax

Woo Hoo!!! The accountant just called, a fax is on the way, and our return will be deposited in 3 days!! God is good! This money couldn't have come at a better time! Thank you Jesus!!!!!

Saturday, March 28, 2009

A new look

I started out just looking for a new look to my boring blog. Because I'm an idiot and didn't back up everything I have to basically start all over. Oh well, it was time for a change. It will take me a couple of days but I'll get it all lined out. I finally have music, that makes me happy!

Monday, March 23, 2009

A Stranger's Heart

You never know what someone else is going through. The daily struggles that they live with, the hurt that is in their heart, you can't see it on the outside. Unless you are told, you have no clue what's in someone else's mind. I try to remember that and live by that rule as much as possible. Bubba and I have discussed it many times. If you are in the check out line and the lady checking out your groceries is a little rude or unsociable, take into account that you don't know what she may be going through.

I had to have blood drawn for my diabetes test. The lady that was drawing my blood was very short, a bit bitter, and even somewhat rude. She's an elderly lady and I've seen her in the halls of the Dr.'s office many times. She's never really worn a smile and doesn't have much to say to anyone. I've often thought to myself, "what a rude old hag," but I've never said anything. Then I slipped up, I made a comment to the girl taking my blood pressure that the old lady was in bad mood all of the time. She said, "Yeah, she just lost her husband 3 weeks ago to cancer, they had been married almost 50 years." Okay, now I feel like a complete jerk! Instead of judging her, I should have taken my own advice and considered what she may be going through. It doesn't excuse the fact that she's a bit rude and very cold but it does help me to understand why she is. How would I feel if I had lost my husband of almost 50 years to cancer? Just goes to show that you never know what another person is going through. You never know what weighs on someone else's heart. I'm going to try a little harder to take my own advice and not be so quick to judge. Now, instead of grumbling to myself about how rude she is, I'll be praying for God to give her peace.

Thursday, March 19, 2009

Where did it go?

This week has gone by so fast. The weather has been absolutely beautiful and we have pretty much had something to do everyday. It's like I have blinked and it's almost over. I love Bubba being home! He's a great helper for one thing. He can take Sister outside to play and give me a few minutes to do chores that are otherwise hard when she's "helping." He's just a great kid and I love having him around. I'm so lucky that Thumper is due during the summer when I'll have Bubba home to help me. I don't know what I'd do without that kid. He's amazing!

Yesterday I did my dil duty and took my mil to the Dr. Actually, I dropped her off at the office and the kids and I went to the Disney Science Museum. It was a lot of fun! The kids had a blast and I ran my legs off chasing Sister but it was a fun day. The only thing I regret is that I took my camera but had no freaking memory card. I've done that a time or two lately and I think I may have to buy an extra to keep in the bag for just such occasions. I really really need to invest in a decent camera bag. The one I use now, it's actually a lunch box, lol. Yup, I'm cheap and lame.

The day out with mil wasn't too bad. We had a little talk a few days ago and I got some things straight. She's been on her best behavior and I think, at least for now, she knows where her boundaries are. She's really a good person and she means well but she needed to be put in her place a long time ago. It's really my fault for letting it go on as long as it did. I think now that things are out in the open, we will all feel much better. I'm still going to be careful what I say and keep my distance so to speak. I still don't trust her and probably never will again. Trust is something you've got to earn and once you've broken it, it's hard to ever fix it.

We've got the weekend left and then Bubba is back to school. No baseball practice and no ballgames this weekend so I'm not sure what we'll do. Maybe a day at the movies, just my boy and I. I'll have to check the listings and see what's showing. We haven't had a day out just he and I in a very long time. Yep, I think it's a plan!

Monday, March 16, 2009

My heart hurts

The room was full of family and friends. Everyone talking about M and how she would be missed and how horrible it was that she had been taken too soon. Discussions of her murder and when her killer would be brought to justice. Conversations were all over the room, remembering M. as a beautiful, loving mother. Then, the room got silent for a moment. You could have heard a pin drop. I turned and looked and there they were, her beautiful girls. The room was quiet and still as those two beautiful girls walked down to the front where the body of their mother layed. The oldest had a tight grip on the little one's hand as they both sobbed all the way down the isle. The oldest one, a spitting image of her mother, and the little one, the total face of innocence. There was not a dry eye in the room. Those two beautiful children's lives have been turned upside down. Anyone with half a heart ached for those two children as they made their way to view their mother in the coffin.

As they made it down to the front, my grandfather (and theirs) wrapped his arms around them and the three of them proceeded to the casket. He, just as heartbroken as the girls, had a hard time standing up. He had already layed one daughter to rest and now his other. The pain he must feel. He's lost not only one child, but now two, his only two daughters. Both, gone too soon! How heartbreaking for a father to lose both of his little girls.

The plans for the girls futures is still undecided. Right now, they are staying with a close family friend. They requested to stay there so right now, whatever the girls want, that's what they will get. They are top priority right now. Today will be extremely hard for them. It will be the last time that they see their mother. They will watch as she is placed into the ground and her body forever leaves this world. The one thing that gives me comfort is knowing that M. taught both of those girls about the love of Jesus. They know that He is there to comfort them and they know that their mother is in His hands. His love is what will get them through!

Saturday, March 14, 2009

Gone Too Soon!


A beautiful woman, loving mother, devoted Christian. Caring, outgoing, lover of life! Gone too soon! I never really called her aunt because she was only 4 years older than me but in relation, that's exactly what she was, my aunt. My mom's only sister. The "baby" of the family. She was a good person and left this world way too soon. She leaves behind two beautiful girls. My heart aches so badly for them. It is so not fair that they have to go on without her. I just pray that God wraps his arms around them and delivers them from the horrible pain that I know they must be going through. I pray that the memory of watching their mother die in their arms from a gunshot wound does not haunt them for the rest of their lives.

The man that did this is a coward. How could anyone take a mother from her children? Leave their children without a mother? Now, they will also be without a father. He did it! He hasn't been arrested yet, for lack of evidence, but it is only a matter of time. He's guilty! Even more pain and suffering for those two beautiful girls. How will they go on knowing that their father killed their mother? I am just so sad for them! I hope they catch him soon and he spends the rest of his natural born life in prison. Once he gets there, I hope he becomes some body's bitch. Even that, that's too easy for him. For what he's done to this family and to his own children, he deserves to suffer.

Visitation is tomorrow and the funeral the next day. Hubs, the kids, and I will go to visitation. I have a really hard time with funerals and I'm not certain if I will make it to hers or not. I will have to do a lot of praying and make up my mind later. I've been to too many funerals in my lifetime. Mamaw, Nanny, Mom, brother, father in law, Uncle, Great granny, Papaw, Popa, and several friends and that's all in the last 10 years. I just don't know if I can do it again. I could go to a complete strangers funeral and bawl like a baby. It's not for the one in the casket that I weep for, it's for the ones that are left behind. I know that my "aunt" loved the Lord and I know where her heart was. She'll be okay! It's her girls, her father, her brother, her family that are left behind to grieve that I weep for. Her funeral is also in the exact funeral home where I last saw my mother, my brother, and my nanny. Their services were all there and every time I walk into that place the memories come flooding back. I'm just not sure it's what's best for me, Thumper and Sister. I'll just pray!

When you say your prayers, if you don't mind, please say a little prayer for the girls. The oldest is 10 and the baby is just 3. They are really going to miss their mommy!!!!!

Tuesday, March 10, 2009

Passive Aggressive Much?

She was gone an entire week and I must admit that I thoroughly enjoyed it. Only one phone call the entire time that she was gone and I actually let it go to voice mail. Then today, she came back. Same old passive aggressive bull crap. Hubs and I have had a talk and I explained to her today that we all three need to have a talk. Her response, "Well, I'll let ya'll talk to me because I know I'm the wrong one and whatever ya'll want to say is going to be right." OMG, she's killing me! She's completely and totally obsessed with my child and it is sickening. Will she ever realize that she is NOT the mother? I know she's old and all but she's got a brain right?
She has seriously worn out her welcome with me and I can never feel the way I used to feel about her again. I honestly can't stand to be around her anymore. The sight of her makes me cringe. I really do hate feeling that way but she's brought it all on herself. I hope that Hubs and I can have a long talk with her and make her understand what she's doing. Heck, Hubs doesn't even know the half of it. I've kept my mouth shut for so long until I finally go to the boiling point. I was worried that it would cause trouble between Hubs and I but as it turns out, he's on my side. I'm ready to get some things off of my chest and tell her exactly how I feel and lay down the law so to speak. Things have got to change before Thumper gets here, that's for sure.

Monday, March 9, 2009

Why would you stay?

If you knew that you weren't wanted somewhere, that you weren't welcome, would you stay? Would you feel awkward knowing that you were in a place where your input was no longer valued? No matter if you told the truth or if you didn't, no one believed it anyway. Would you stay just out of spite or would you leave with what little bit of dignity you had left?
I'd like to think that I'd have enough couth about me to pack up and go. As an immature teenager, I may have stayed but now that I'm an adult and I've matured I think I'd go. No need in staying where you know you aren't wanted. There's just too many other places to go.
I've never really understood that about some people. I hope that I'm mature enough and self confident enough to know that my input could be valued someplace else. Just something to think about I guess.

Tuesday, March 3, 2009

He's passionate about it

Bubba is jumping in with both feet and really trying to make a go of this March for Babies walk. He's so excited about it and wanting to do so many things to raise money in his sisters name. We started out with a small goal because I didn't want him to get disappointed if he didn't reach his goal. Our team goal is $250.00 but his personal goal is $100.00. He's already made $50.00 so he's proud. The walk isn't until April 18th so he still has awhile. Last night he printed information to take to school today, he sent out about 30 emails, and he's going to talk to his principal this afternoon. He wants to talk to the principal about doing a penny drive or something for the Junior High. I'm really glad that he's getting so involved. He knows how lucky we were when Sister was born and he wants to show his appreciation by raising money to help others. I think it's great! He's a 10 year old boy with a HUGE heart!

He's already talking about how he wants to design our t-shirts and who all he wants to recruit to walk with us. I'm hoping that him being so aggressive and involved in this cause that it will encourage him to get involved in other charities later on. He's a good kid and I couldn't be more proud of him.

Friday, February 27, 2009

Procrastinate much?

It's been several week since I ran across that great deal on fabric. Wal-Mart is no longer going to sell fabric and they had it all on sale for 50% off. It was pretty picked over by the time I found out about it but I still walked away with some goodies. I got some really cute Bugs Bunny fabric to make Sister a pair of scrubs for when Thumper is born. He's wearing a Dr.'s coat, eating a carrot, and saying What's Up Doc! They had some cute Elmo material that I plan on making her some p.j.'s out of. A pretty pink fabric with hearts and skulls that I may make a jumper with. Two or three other styles that I plan on using for jammies and such. I even purchased a new sewing machine that day.

The problem.....the sewing machine is still in the box and I haven't touched any of it since I brought it home. It is in my office and I look at it several times a day but have yet to get started on anything. What is it that has made me so flippin lazy? I have big plans but get nothing done. I used to not be this way. I used to be a go getter. Always going, always doing, never stopping. Now, I sit on my butt in front of this computer screen. I've gotta get motivated! The weather has been nice the last couple of days and Sister and I have spent much of the day outside. It's been so nice to be able to go outside and play and not have to bundle up. But, tomorrow, a cold front is coming. Supposed to be a really cold weekend. Ugh! I'm hoping that once spring gets here that I can get off of my butt and get motivated to do something besides stare at this monitor. Besides, I don't have much longer before Thumper gets here, I gotta get to sewing.

Wednesday, February 25, 2009

It's a new season

Last weekend was our very last Little Dribblers basketball game ever. It was the last time that I will ever coach him and the last time that he will ever play. This week started a new season. The spring season baseball draft was held on Sunday. I was so worried about him getting on a good team and where he'd go in the draft. Once it was all over and we got a phone call I couldn't have been more relieved. There were 117 kids that tried out for teams. Bubba went #5 in the draft. That's freaking awesome! I'm so proud of him! I know he's good but you know when you are a parent it's hard not to be a little biased. It was so awesome to find out that other coaches thinks he's that awesome too. He got a great coach too! I was so worried about that. His coach is a good Christian guy and will definitely teach him something. There are so many coaches out there that aren't good mentors and I didn't want him to get stuck with some smuck. God was looking out for us and we are both pleased with the outcome. He can't wait to get started and meet new teammates and friends.

Tomorrow is his first tournament game. He's on a Select Tournament team too. They are the best of the best in the league and they travel and play weekend tournaments. It's very competitive but fun too. Bubba loves it! Thank goodness they don't play that often because it can get a little heavy on the pocket book. Their team has good sponsors though and they usually take care of supplying their uniforms and such. Which reminds me, I better go hunt up all of Bubba's uniform, it's been a couple of months since he's worn it.

Other news: Still no name for our little Thumper. It really bothers me that she doesn't have a name yet. I just haven't come across THAT name and until I do she'll just be our little Thumper.
Sissy girl has been peeing on the potty!!!! Yay Sissy! We are no where near potty trained yet but we have sure made good progress this week.
If we can get her out of diapers before Thumper gets here I'll be tickled pink.
It's less than three months before her second birthday and I must admit, it makes me a little sad. Where has time gone?
I'm over half way with this pregnancy and I want it to slow down. I know this is the last one and I want to cherish every moment of it.

Saturday, February 21, 2009

Chapter Over

I did it today. I coached Bubba for the very last time. It just dawned on me and I am very sad. I started out making a totally different post and it hit me. It's over! I'll never coach him again. I can't believe that chapter of our life is over. My boy is growing up and I hate it. I know he has to but it makes me very very sad. He's my baby! I knew that it was going to be hard but I didn't know it was going to hit me like this. I'm a blubbering mess!

I have coached that sweet boy since he very first started. Basketball, spring baseball, fall ball, we've done it all. He and I, we've been a great team over the years. There have been times that I have wanted to quit but when those big beautiful eyes of his would beg me to continue I just couldn't say no. It's been hard. Not an easy road at all. Kids sports get very competitive and there's lots of drama. Men make it hard too. Most of them don't like the competition of a woman coach. They just made me that much more determined. They made me strive to be a better coach, a better mom.

We've had good times and bad times. Winning seasons and losing seasons. Sometimes it was fun and sometimes it wasn't fun at all. No matter what, we were a team, he and I. He's an extremely awesome kid and he has taught me so much. We have learned things together. We have created memories that will last a lifetime. Memories that not all parents get to share with their kids. All-star tournaments and Championship games, it's been so much fun! I am so proud of my boy and I am really going to miss coaching him. It may seem silly to some, but to me, it was something really special. Bubba and I have a really special bond and sports has been a big part of our lives. I'm going to miss so much about it but most of all, I'll miss the time we spend together. Now he'll spend that time with another coach, another mentor. I know he has to grow up and he has to learn from others but I'm not ready. I thought I was but I'm not. I've said it before and I'll say it again, Damn this parenting stuff is HARD. It really tears at your heartstrings.

He's a big boy now and tomorrow he will get his first phone call from his new coach. He'll be on a team with a new group of boys, a new group of coaches, and a new set of rules. I know he'll be fine but it's hard knowing that I have no control. I just pray that he gets a good coach that will teach him something and be fair. It's all I can ask for. He's a great ball player and I know he'll do fine! I'll start this season in the stands, a place I've never been before. It's going to be a different ride that's for sure.

Thursday, February 19, 2009

I'm gonna walk!

I've been interested in March of Dimes ever since I had Sister. She was 7 wks early and defied all odds. The Dr.'s were preparing us for all kinds of problems. They expected oxygen and feeding tubes, a long stay in the hospital, even possible developmental delays. My sweet precious girl entered this world a healthy 4 lbs. 13 oz. and breathing on her own. She never had to have oxygen, be in an incubator, or even have feeding tubes. She was a trooper. a real fighter from the very beginning. We were soooo blessed! She and I were in the hospital for 7 days. During those 7 days I saw a lot of babies and a lot of families that were not nearly as blessed. Tiny little frail babies with all sorts of tubes in their little bodies. Mommies having to touch their babies through incubator walls. It was really sad and really hard to see. I was going to that NICU every 3 hours to see and feed my precious baby girl and it was hard. I admit, I had times that I really felt sorry for myself, then I would look around and see how fortunate we were. How much worse it could be.

I got to know one lady there fairly well. Her baby, Olivia was born at 33 wks, just like Sister. But little Olivia only weighed 3.8 lbs. She had the tubes and monitors and was confined to an incubator. Her mother was staying in a Ronald McDonald House and coming to visit when she could. Little Olivia had already been in the hospital for weeks before we got there so this mother had already seen others come and go. I felt so sorry for her! She cried the day we got to take Sister home. She hugged me as we left and said that she was happy for us but couldn't help but be jealous. I learned a lot about preemies that week that we were in the hospital. Taking care of a preemie is completely different that taking care of a full term babe. I couldn't have done it without the support of my loving family.

March of Dimes is having a March for Babies Walk here in my hometown and I've decided to get up off of my butt and walk. Yes, I will be big and preggo, probably swollen feet and all but I can do it. It's a two mile walk in the middle of April and it's for a good cause. I am stepping out and hoping to raise money to help other families with premature babies. Bubba is really excited about it too and he's talked to a couple of his teachers about doing a fund raiser at school. Maybe a penny collection or something. I'm excited and can't wait to get started! If I can help just one person, just one family, not have to go through what we went through with Sister, then it is all worth it.

Thursday, February 12, 2009

Why do I care?

I finally moved up into the big wide world of high speed. Now that I can cruise the internet a little, okay a lot quicker, I have been looking at things I normally wouldn't have looked at. Today, I was looking around on Myspace. Used to it took so long to load that I didn't even bother going there. My little sister has a rather entertaining myspace page. She and I, we've never really gotten along. There is 10 years between us and we are so incredibly different. I saw that she had posted some new pictures so I thought I'd take a look. I wish that I would have just stayed away from her page. Why do I do this to myself?

She's a really gorgeous girl but sits on her fat ass all day doing nothing and just gets bigger and bigger. She's as big as a dang house. She has never worked a day in her life and there is no reason why. She's married to a redneck idiot and doesn't have any kids. There is no excuse for her not getting off of her big ole butt and doing something. Heck, if nothing else, get out and walk some of that fat off. There is being overweight and then there is being obese. She is VERY obese! It's really really sad because she is sooooo pretty and has so much potential. Anyway, I've gotten off topic now. This is not what upset me the most.

While I'm checking out her pictures, I found a few pics of her and my brother. Then a pic or two of her, my brother, and my lil brother that died. A few pics of her mom, her hubby, lots and lots of pics of herself. Then, came the shocker. Pictures of my father. Then I looked on her front page and notice that he's been commenting on her myspace page. Curiosity got the best of me and I went to check out my little brother's page. Yep, he's been commenting on his page too. My brother and sister both have a great relationship with him. They adore him and are all very close. It's just really hard for me to look at him and see how happy they are and know that he is the same man that almost destroyed my life. He beat me and molested me. He took some of the most important years of my life from me. There are scars on my heart that will never go away. I've faught and struggled for so long to get over what that man did to me. I still fight and struggle to overcome the hurt that lays deep inside. Why? Why does he deserve to be happy? Why does he deserve to have children love and adore him after what he did to me? It just doesn't seem fair. Part of me HATES him! I don't use that word often but part of me does truly HATE him. Everytime I think I have forgiven him, something else comes up. Why do I care what he does with his life? Why do I care that my brother and sister love him so much? Why can't I just get over it? I'm the only one that gets hurt. Ugh!

Tuesday, February 10, 2009

How is it time already?

Tomorrow we go find out what Thumper is going to be. Boy? Girl? I can't decide what I want. I guess, honestly, I really don't care. With Bubba, I knew from the beginning that I wanted a boy. I was so incredibly happy when it was confirmed. With Sister, I wanted a girl because Hubs and Bubba wanted a girl. I must admit though that I caught myself looking at little boy clothes from time to time. Now, I am soooo glad that I got my girly. She's a feisty little toot but so much fun! I wouldn't trade her for anything in the world. I thought that surely if I ever got pregnant again that I would want a boy. You know, since I was still looking at little boy clothes even after it was confirmed that Sister would be a girl. But deep down, I think another girl would be awesome. I joke about how much of a handful she is, and Lord knows she is, but I would take 100 more just like her. So, whatever this baby is, I will be happy. As long as he/she is healthy, that's all that matters. I can't wait to find out!

It is so hard to believe that I am already 19 wks. It seems like only yesterday that I found out I was preggers. It's going too fast. This is most definitely the last one and I want it to slow down. I can't wait to meet Thumper but I don't want this pregnancy to fly by either. I really like being pregnant. The first couple of months are kind of rough. The tiredness and all is a little tough but once that little baby inside starts growing and moving, it's an awesome feeling. I love it when the baby moves. After Sister was born I really missed my preggo belly a lot. A lot more than I could have imagined that I would. I would catch myself rubbing my belly and kind of feeling sad that my little baby wasn't in there moving around.

Having Sister so early really taught me to slow down and enjoy every minute of pregnancy. After my appointment yesterday, I'm a little scared. There is a 50-50 chance that I will have this baby early too. Having Sister so early was the scariest thing I have ever been through in my life and I don't EVER want to go through that again. The Dr. told me yesterday that I will have to start my weekly visits at 30 wks. this time. We also decided that a vbac is not an option. It looks like I will have to have a c-sec this time. If Thumper stays in there and bakes like he/she is supposed to then I can handle the c-sec. What I can't handle is another emergency. Please little one, PLEASE, stay put until it is time to come out.

Wednesday, February 4, 2009

Leave me and my household alone!

It seems that the flu is going around really bad. There have been so many kids at school sick with the flu that they are talking about dismissing school for a few days. There are only 35 kids in the sixth grade and Bubba said that they've had 5-6 absent every day this week. I got an email from the school this morning and according to the email, the elementary has really been hit hard. Boy am I glad that Bubba isn't in that building anymore.

The school gave free flu shots several months back and I was a little upset that Bubba didn't tell me about it until it was over with. Now, it looks like those flu shots didn't do any good anyway. They say that this round of flu is different and that no one is safe. We only have five boys on our basketball team and Bubba said that two of them have been home all week with the flu. Looks like we won't be playing ball this weekend. I hate to forfeit but it looks like we have no choice.

If it is really as bad as they say it is I wish they would just go ahead and cancel school. I really really don't want my kids to come down with it. Other than Sister getting sick from the Dr.'s office when we went for her 18 month well check, my kids have been pretty healthy this winter. A sniffle here or there but nothing major and I'd like to keep it that way. And Lord knows that my big preggo butt doesn't need to get sick. Please, oh please sickies, stay away from me and my household.

Thursday, January 29, 2009

Not sure what to do

I got a very unexpected phone call tonight. It was from my little sister. She lives in the town where my ex lives and all of his relatives. She and I don't get along very well and only talk a couple of times a year. So, when she called tonight I was a little shocked and waiting to hear what she wanted this time. It seems that the only time she calls is when she wants something.

Once she got past the small talk she says, "I need a really really big favor." She tells me that my ex's mother is dying. She has been diagnosed with brain/lung cancer like my mother had. They are giving her two weeks to live and she wants to see Bubba before she dies. First of all, that is not my choice to make. Bubba is old enough to make those kind of decisions on his own. He's a smart boy! So, I told her to give me a call back tomorrow and I will let her know.

Part of me doesn't even want to mention it to him. I know I have to and it is ultimately his choice but why now? She never cared about him when the ex and I were married. She never had anything to do with him, didn't even come to the baby shower or his first birthday. She's never been to any birthday of his as far as that goes. She hasn't seen him in well over six years. Never once has she sent him a birthday card, a Christmas card, or anything to let him know that she cares that he exists. Why should I even bother worrying him with this? Would it be wrong for me to just not tell him? I am almost certain that he will not want to go see her but he has such a big heart he may just want to grant her this one wish. I am so torn as to what to do. This parenting stuff just gets harder and harder!

Wednesday, January 28, 2009

Lemonade Award


Woot! Woot! I got an award today from www.everydaymamadrama.blogspot.com. I'm so honored! Thanks Amy!

Here are the rules:
1. Put the logo on your blog or post.
2. Nominate at least 10 blogs which show great attitude and/or grattitude!
3. Be sure to link to your nominees within your post.
4. Let them know that they have received this award by commenting on their blog.
5. Share the love and link to this post and to the person from whom you received the award.

So, here's a few blogs that I like to read and am therefore nominating for this cool award.

www.fertilemertile.com
www.sunraysnsaturdays.com
www.kellyslifewith3boys.blogspot.com
www.sweetdaisy.blogspot.com
www.canapesun.blogspot.com
www.jcmama.blogspot.com
www.makingaperson.blogspot.com
www.pssstkeepasecret.blogspot.com
www.amy-and-chris.blogspot.com
www.feelslikehappiness.blogspot.com

Monday, January 26, 2009

Will I make it?

I'm not 100% sure that I will make it to 40 weeks. The heartburn and indigestion just may kill me first. Tums, Rolaids, Mylanta, even Half & Half. Nothing seems to help. Tonight it is so bad that I am literally in pain. I'm so sleepy but can't sleep. Not to mention that I am so bloated that I feel like I am about to bust. Grrrr! Okay, enough complaining, I said I wasn't going to do that anymore. Oooops!

On a better note, I have decided that this baby's nickname is Thumper. She/he is constantly thumping on me. Not that I'm complaining because I love to feel the baby moving. The kicking and moving is the best part of being pregnant. I missed that feeling so badly after I had Sister. I remember seeing pregnant women and being jealous of their bellies. Yeah, I know, I'm nutso. Having Sister so early taught me a lot. I won't take one second of this pregnancy for granted.

Saturday, January 24, 2009

Teamwork Baby

Today was the second weekend of our basketball season. I only have 5 boys on my team so their health is very important. Our schedule had us playing out of town today and playing two games back to back. I must admit that I was a little worried about the boys and their stamina. That's two full hours of running up and down the court and I wasn't sure that they were quite ready for that. Not to mention the first team that we were scheduled to play was a really tough team, the only team that we had never beaten before. We've been playing for 6 years now and this team is tough. The have a good coach and they are well disciplined boys. Year before last we got within 4 points of them but still no defeat.

Our first game was at 1:00 p.m. My boys were pumped up and ready to play. Then they saw the other team. All of those boys were bigger, stronger, and a little intimidating. I told my guys to just play their game and do their best, that's all that we could do. The first quarter, my boys played exceptional defense, only allowing 2 points. We were having a little trouble getting in the lane because it was the first time that we were up against zone defense. By the second quarter we made the adjustments that we needed to make and we got on the board. By halftime we were down 10-4. Not too bad, but getting a little scary.

We came back in the third quarter and held them to no points while we scored 10. I have never seen my boys play such disciplined basketball. They were playing like a TEAM. No one was hogging the ball and no one was trying to shine. All five of them were shining! By the start of the fourth quarter the coach of the other team was so upset that he grabbed the ball and threw it to the floor making it bounce almost up to the rafters. My boys went on to finish the game 22-12. I have never been more proud of five boys in my life. They played GREAT basketball and I believe that at that point, they could have taken on the world.

Those five boys only had a five minute break before their next ballgame. They were so pumped that they didn't even look winded. They were on top of the world. We went on to win the second game 19-5, beating another rivalry. I must admit, I am not the most liked coach out there. I am the only woman in our league that coaches and those men can't stand to be beaten by my team. To get out coached by a woman, it's the end of the world. Yep, I get a thrill out of it. But today, I wasn't as concerned about beating the men as I was thrilled with my boys for their spectacular display of teamwork and good sportsmanship. It takes a team to win and WIN we did! WAY TO GO BOYS!

Friday, January 23, 2009

Sleep child sleep

Yesterday was an absolutely beautiful day! It was sunny and 75 degrees. Just a beautiful day for outside play. Sister and I jumped on the trampoline, played on the swing, rode the tricycle, and all sorts of things outside. Then we had to go pick Bubba up from school. Once we got back home we all three played outside for a couple more hours. Little girl played HARD and had so much fun outside in the beautiful sunshine. We were so busy playing that we missed our nap.

Later that evening she took a little power nap of about 20 minutes while we were waiting on Daddy to get home. She helped me cook, she helped with the laundry, she helped Daddy unload firewood out of the truck. She had a really busy day! I was certain that after we had eaten dinner and taken our shower that she would pass out for the night. WRONG!

Little Miss Priss was up running around and playing until 1:00 a.m. I finally got so tired that she and I just went and got into the bed with daddy and she played in the bed until she finally went to sleep somewhere around 1:30 a.m. This pregnant momma has to get up a couple of times a night to potty. Then when the alarm went off at 6:00 a.m. I couldn't hardly drag myself out of bed. I know I know I know that I have a new baby coming but jeepers creepers I need my sleep NOW.

I thought for sure once we took Bubba to school this morning that we could come home and take a nap. Ummm, NO! She's running around playing like she's had a full night's sleep while I'm dragging my butt this morning. Please, please, please, let this dear child sleep tonight. I NEED sleep! Sleep is a GOOD thing!

Tuesday, January 20, 2009

Time to put myself in check

Watching the local news last night really got me to thinking. There is so much sadness in the world and so many people that are much worse off than me. The world we live in, it's not always so nice. People, they can be so cruel and heartless. I have so much to be thankful for. Sure, there are things that I want, and sometimes even things that I need, but my needs, far fewer than so many others out there. I have taken pride in the fact that I am an optimistic person. I like to see the positive in things. I hate negativism, to me it's such a cop out.

Lately, I think I have been too negative and I don't like that. I don't want to become one of those people that pops onto a message board to complain about their life and get sympathy and be gone. To make a FB update about how awful my life is and wait for the responses. God has been good to me and blessed me so abundantly. My children are healthy, my husband and I are healthy, we have a roof over our heads and food to eat. We have so much more than so many others. It becomes easy to complain. We get wrapped up in our own selfishness and forget what is right in front of us, the goodness that is in our lives. I'm really going to start working on that. I am going to start being more thankful for what I have and complain less about what I don't.

Situations and circumstances can't always be helped. We have to deal with what we've got often times. Other times, we have the ability to get ourselves out of those situations and circumstances and move on, to take control and change things. I vow not to complain but to do something, change things. Be thankful that my situation isn't as bad as it could be. It's okay to see the negative but while I'm looking at the negative, also look at the positive and know what is in front of me. Know that God has given me the strength and ability to handle whatever it is that comes my way. So today, I am starting with a new attitude. I'm going to be more thankful and complain less, wanna join me?

Friday, January 16, 2009

I don't know if I'll ever be over it

Everytime I think I am over it, something happens to bring back it all back. Recently there have been several of my old classmates posting pictures and stuff on FB. Old pics for high school, junior high, and even a few from elementary. Pics from school dances, junior/senior prom, graduation celebration photos, just memories from our teenage years. The problem, I don't have any of those memories. I was never allowed to go to prom, school dances, or project graduation. I wasn't allowed to spend the night with a friend or have a friend over for the weekend. Hell I wasn't even allowed to have a friend call me and God forbid that I ran into someone I knew from school at the grocery store or something. I would have to hang my head like I didn't see them and pray that they didn't speak to me.

I didn't realize until later exatly how much I missed out on. I never got to be a teenager. I wasn't allowed to do the things that normal teenagers done. No going out on dates, no hanging out at the mall with my friends, no movies or sleep-overs. I was too busy cooking and cleaning. Too busy being beaten and molested.

The night I graduated turned out to be one of the worst nights of my life. A memory I wish I could forget. I waited so long for that day for it to be ruined by my father. I woke up that morning about 4:00 a.m. with strep throat. I spent several hours in the ER that morning and then most of the day in bed sick. I also turned 18 that day. My 18th birthday, it was supposed to be so special right? Wrong! At 7:00 that night I went to graduation. I was very sick but determined to walk across that stage. After we had all walked across the stage and gotten our blank peices of paper, my mom came to me and told me that my daddy (the man that raised me and is still my daddy to this day) was looking for me. My father was standing there and he got that look, I knew that I was in trouble. I went with my mom and found my daddy. He hugged me and told me how proud he was of me and gave me a card with some money in it. I told him and my mom bye as I walked back towards my father. No celebrating with friends, I guess I was really too sick to anyway. I knew it was going to be bad but I didn't know how bad.

He yelled at me all the way home. Words I will never forget. I was so scared and so sick that I could barely keep my head up. When we walked into the house, he threw me to the floor. He cussed me and told me how awful I was. He ripped my clothes and then held a knife to my throat. It seems like that night lasted forever. Happy freaking 18th birthday and Happy graduation night! Yeah, those are the memories that I have.

No one I went to school with knows/knew what was happening to me. So many times I was asked to go places and do things and I always had an excuse. Seeing all of the old photos and the good times that they were having really makes me sad. My teenage years, the ones that everyone remembers as the good times, I wish I couldn't remember because those were the worst times of my life.

Every time I think I am over it. Every time I think I have forgiven him and moved on. Something else happens to bring it back up again. Will I ever be able to get over it? Will it haunt me for the rest of my life? Maybe, maybe not, I dont' know. There is one thing I do know though, my children, they will be teenagers and they WILL have good memories and that's a fact!

Thursday, January 15, 2009

I think I have gotten my point across

I haven't seen mil since Saturday at Bubba's basketball game and I've only spoken to her about twice on the phone this week. Normally, she calls 5-6 times a day. I've really enjoyed not having to listen to her all week. She really is a good person and she means well and all but she is like a cancer for me. I don't think I have ever talked to her without her talking bad about somebody. I'm sure she has always done it but it didn't affect me until after I had Sister. When she talked about me behind my back and I found out about it, it all came to me. She talks about everyone else so why wouldn't she talk about me?

She is constantly talking about Hubs nephew and his wife. They had their first son 4 years ago and from the time that child was born she talked about them. They didn't do this right and they didn't do that right. Their parenting skills weren't what she was used to so therefore it wasn't right. She talks about how terrible her house looks and how dirty it is. The laundry is never done and there is mold growing on things in the fridge. Now that they have their second son and she's still breastfeeding him at 11 months it's just the worst thing in the world. They let the kids nap late at night and then they stay up too late and therefore sleep too late. Who cares???? It's their kids and they are raising them the way they want to raise them. No one is getting hurt so leave them alone!

I get so sick and tired of listening to her talk about other people. She is one of those people that if it isn't done her way then it is the wrong way. I have listened to her talk about other people so much that I KNOW she has to be talking about me behind my back too. Why wouldn't she? She's done it once and got caught so I know she's doing it again. That is why I have chosen to put a distance between us. The less she knows about me the less she can talk about me.

She and sil are leaving tomorrow and will be gone for a few days. I know that it is killing her that she didn't get to see Sister before she leaves. They are going to the other sil's house 9 hours away. I am sure once they get there I will be topic of conversation. I sometimes feel bad because we used to have a really great relationship but once she talked bad about me and hurt me like that, I just can't get past it. It isn't like I am holding a grudge, I just want to keep her at a distance so that she doesn't have much to talk about. I'm not going to give her ammunition in other words. Stay out of my house so you can't tell people that I don't keep as clean of a house as you do and stay away from me so that I don't do something that you disapprove of.

Tuesday, January 13, 2009

It's that time again

It's that time of year again. Time to get all of our receipts and stuff together to take to the accountant. 2008 wasn't such a great year for us. We paid the bills and all but didn't have much extra after that. Gas prices hurt us pretty bad and this stinking economy...well you already know how evil it can be. We just paid the I.R.S. over $700 for that stupid audit that took forever so it feels like we just got done with all of this stuff. Now here we go again. Maybe, just maybe we'll get a little something back. I sure hope so!

Bubba had a rather odd request today. He wanted to know if we had a lock and chain that he could borrow for a few days. He says that they are doing a project in class and he needs it for his project. Ok, what kind of project calls for a lock and chain? They have to bring an object or a picture of an object to class and then write a poem about the object. Then the poem is going to be submitted into a contest of some sort. He assured me that this poem would NOT be about blood and gore, lol. He said he wants to write about something to do with your soul being bound by locks and chains. He didn't really want to let me in on what he had planned so I left him alone about it. He has a great imagination and I can't wait to see what he comes up with. He seems to really enjoy writing so I want to encourage it as much as possible.

Monday, January 12, 2009

Where's the motivation when you need it?

There's laundry piled up in the laundry room, dishes in the sink, and floors to be done. I walk by, look at the mess, and just keep walking. All the time thinking, I'll get to it in a minute. Sister has toys scattered from here to Kalamazoo. There is so much that I could be doing, yet I sit on this darn computer.
I have to meet Hubs this afternoon so that we can close on the house. This new interest rate is going to save us a bundle. We never should have agreed to a loan at 14.99% interest to begin with but at the time we were desperate. We HAD to get out of that other house. We needed the space so badly. This new interest rate of 6% is much more reasonable. We actually cut the length of the loan in half and will still be paying the same monthly amount. That's just so awesome!

Bubba has to go talk to the counselor at school today. It's over that poem that he wrote. He and I talked about it and I told him how very talented he was but he couldn't write stuff like that at school anymore. I deep down believe that he was just being a boy and he really was trying to just make an interesting poem and get a good grade. He said that anyone can write "Roses are red, violets are blue." He's right, I must admit. I don't know what all the counselor will say to him or what questions she will ask, I just told him to be honest and be himself. As long as he does that, he has nothing to worry about. I sent his teacher an email this morning and let her know that I talked to him about the poem and that all is well on our end. She's a really nice teacher and I'm glad that she's looking out for him. She told me when I talked to her the other day that the poem was probably nothing and she realized how dramatic that Bubba could be. She just wanted to be sure and would feel badly if there was something there that she missed. I can understand that and I appreciate it. We need more teachers that actually care about the kids.

We lost our first basketball game Saturday. I only have 5 boys so they have to play the entire game without a break. It's gonna be tough on them but it should surely get them into shape. The final score was 23-25 but I was VERY proud of them. The team we were playing had two boys that stood at least a head taller than all of my boys. My boys couldn't even jump to reach them when they went for the rebound. I have told these boys since we started playing when they were 5 yrs old that free throws win games and free throws lose games. Well we made 6 free throws Saturday, but we also missed 6. You do the math! I'm still proud of them and I'm ready for the next game.

Friday, January 9, 2009

Six Weeks

Tomorrow starts our six week season of basketball. This will be the last season of anything that I coach Bubba. It really makes me sad! I have coached him since he was 4 yrs. old. I've fought against all odds and won. I've been the only female coach bucking up against all of those men. Some of the men I coached with and against were great, others, well they thought that women belonged in the stands. I think part of it was that they couldn't take it that I knew more about the sport than they did. I'm not as savvy at basketball as I am with baseball but I still make it a point to know my stuff.

I started playing baseball when I was 4 yrs old. I was the only girl on a team full of boys. When I was eight, the town that I lived in had softball for girls for the first time so I played girls fastpitch softball that year. Then we moved to another town and they only had baseball so it was back to the boys again for a few years. I didn't mind being the only girl on the team, it was kinda cool. I pitched and played shortstop for an all boy team, how cool is that? I have played ball all of my life. It was my dream to play in college and then go on to the Olympics. My father saw to it that my dream didn't come true but my love for the game never changed.

Basketball was a fun sport and I enjoyed playing it in Junior High and High School but I didn't have a passion for it like I did baseball/softball. I've enjoyed coaching it and I'm gonna miss it. Of course, Sister will play in a few years and I will get to coach her too, hehe. I'm just sad that I won't be coaching Bubba anymore after this 6 week season is over.

Something else is happening in six weeks. I get to find out the sex of this baby!!!! I can't wait! I don't really care what sex the baby is, part of me wants a boy and part of me wants a girl, as long as the baby is healthy, that's all that matters. I can't believe how fast this pregnancy is going!

Tuesday, January 6, 2009

Our First Seine of the New Year

We haven't seined fish in over a month. It gets a little slow around the holidays. I don't mind because I need the break. Tomorrow, we have our first seine of the new year. I must admit that I am not looking forward to it. I know it has to be done and that it is money in our pocket but it doesn't mean that I have to like it. Hubs just doesn't understand why I complain about it so much. Well, let's see, my idea of fun is NOT slipping into my waders, getting into the ice cold water, and loading up a bunch of flipping, flopping, and splashing catfish. It is not on my list of things that I enjoy doing. He gets a little annoyed with my complaining so I really try not to complain but he can hear the tone in my voice when we talk about it and that makes him angry. I have asked him many times, "How many other women would get out here and do what I do?" His response is always the same, "I don't know of any!" Well then shut up and let me complain, lol.

It really isn't THAT hard of work. I can handle it. I just don't like it. Plain and simple. Just to give you an idea of what "Seining" actually is......here ya go.

The day before we "seine" we put the seine out into the pond. We have a 650ft seine that is on a big huge seine reel. We use the tractor and the hydraulics on one side and then the truck and a pulley on the other. We stretch the seine out across the width of the pond. It takes us about 30 minutes to get everything done.

The day of the seine: Hubs drives the tractor and I drive the truck. He hooks up to the seine on one side of the pond and I on the other. We take turns pulling the seine down the length of the pond. It takes us about 45 minutes to do this. We have to drive very very slow so that they seine drags the bottom of the pond. As long as nothing goes wrong, no ropes break or anything, this part goes rather smoothly. It's just a little boring, lol.

Once Hubs gets his part of the seine to the end he stops and waits on me. I have to then drag my part of the seine around the corner of the pond and across the other side until I meet with him. We then hook both ends of the seine back onto the reel.

This is where it gets "fun." I go park the truck and go get my waders on. Hubs hooks up all of the ropes and makes sure everything is secure. He backs the seine reel down into the pond while I block the tires with blocks. We both get into the water and start reeling the seine in. It takes us about 30 minutes to reel the seine in. Once we have the seine reeled in to where we want it we have to take metal stakes and stake the lead line down so that the fish can't get out.

We get the scales hooked up on the tripod and get the truck with the tank backed up into the loading area. By this time I am usually ready to get the party over with. We take a two man dip net and dip the fish out of the pond. We usually load up about 75-85 lbs at a time. During the summer when we catch more fish we will load up to 140 lbs at a time. We dip the fish, weigh them, and then I have to climb onto the back of the truck and hold the net up for Hubs to dump them into the tank. It's a really nasty job. Those stinking fish splash and jump everywhere. Catfish have a really thick slime on them that feels like snot so when you pick them up it gets all stuck in between your fingers and such. It usually only takes us about 15 minutes to load the fish unless we have a really big order. But, during that 15 minutes I get so dirty and nasty that it is unreal. Mud in my hair, fish slime all over my hands and arms. Not to mention the water is freaking COLD.

So, tomorrow, I will be having "FUN!" I'm so excited about it, can't you tell? Anyone wanna come take my place?

Friday, January 2, 2009

I Did It :)

New Year's Eve night my dear sweet mil called. She wanted to know what we were doing and how "her" baby was doing. I told her that we were outside by the fire, popping fireworks and having a good time. A few minutes later she called back and tried to invite herself and several others over to my house. I handed the phone to Hubs and let him talk to her. He told her that we were about done and that there was no need in them coming over. Whewwww! I was so glad! I know it sounds horrible but I didn't want to ring in the New Year with my mil. New Year's Eve, taken care of.

New Years Day, mil calls again. "What are y'all doing?" I explained to her that we were just hanging out. The boys were outside setting up the new basketball goal and Sister and I were getting ready to start our cooking. "Oh no, there's no need in cooking, I've got plenty to eat over here. The kitchen will be open all day, y'all just come when you get ready." I told her that I would have to talk to Hubs and see what he said but more than likely we would be staying home. Thank God, Hubs agreed. We were going to stay home and just enjoy time with our kids. New Years Day, taken care of.

Today, we made it until almost 1:00 p.m. before she called. "I didn't want anything, just wanted to see what y'all were doing and how MY baby girl was doing, oh and my baby boy too. I thought I'd run by over there for a few minutes and see them and get some sugar off of um'. I've gotta see how baby girl likes her new chair!" I know I had a smile on my face when I told her that we weren't at home and I so badly wanted to tell her that Sister hasn't sat in that damn chair once since we brought it home, but I didn't. Sorry mil but we are in town running some errands and won't be home for awhile. I'd really love to chat but we just pulled into the Cotton Patch and we are ready to go in and eat. I could hear the disappointment in her voice and for a second, only a second, I kinda felt bad. She really does mean well but she's seriously gotta back off!

I've made it THREE days without my mil!!!! I started the year off without my mil!!!! I haven't had to bathe my child during the middle of the day because she smells like an old lady!!!!!! I haven't had to listen to someone tell me what they would do if they were me!!!! I'm LOVING it!!!! I know I am probably jinxing myself and she will show up tomorrow but I STARTED THE NEW YEAR OFF WITHOUT HAVING TO SEE HER AND I AM HAPPY!!!!!!!!