Sunday, December 28, 2008

It's been 2 years

Exactly two years ago, I was a member of BBC. I was pregnant with Sister and had joined, not knowing what was in store for me next. Things got pretty heated on that board from time to time and people would get very ugly. Then one day, this really cool chick with gorgeous kiddos, posted a link to a new board. So, being the nosey butt that I am, I went and joined. As it turned out, 20 other July moms joined the board too. There were a total of 22 of us July moms that had once been on BBC and a handful of other moms that were all already friends.

I had no idea what was in store for me when I joined that board. There was no way of knowing that I would make lasting friendships and really come to love some of the ladies I would meet there. We shared a lot over the first year. We laughed together, we cried together, we shared pregnancy photos and personal information. Things I never thought I would do over the internet. It was really amazing! I guess I was a little blind and a bit naive though. One day, it all blew up!

A couple of members had a disagreement behind closed doors and before you know it, the board was split. One side of the argument chose to remain quiet and not speak of the "fight" while the other duo chose to go behind backs and start a new board. They emailed all of the ladies they wanted to join them, they told lies and stories of the "fight" and pretty much "stole" most of the July mommy's from the first board. It was really sad! A lot of people got hurt then and some are still trying to recover. I still don't understand exactly why the "fight" took place and I sure as heck don't understand why it escalated to the extent that it did. The truth is, it's really sad that so many ladies shared so much with each other only to end up hating each other in the end. Truth be told, it's all about control, and that, that is very sad.

I think the people that I feel the sorriest for are those that chose to listen to one side of the story and believe what they were told, rather than learn both sides of the story and deal with the truth. I will admit, it took me awhile before I learned both sides and formed my own opinion of the "truth." Once I did though, I felt so much better about everything. I never want to be a follower of hearsay. I like to think that I can form my own opinion and most of the time it works out just right.

Through it all, I have learned valuable lessons. I have made wonderful friends and lasting memories. I am lucky to have shared my life with such wonderful ladies. I remain friends with those that I choose and for the rest, well, I wish them the best. Now, I get to share another miracle baby with a wonderful group of ladies, some who were around for the last pregnancy and some whom I have became friends with since. I'm looking forward to this journey!


girl said...

I personally can't wait to meet new baby! Yeah for babies!!

Momma B said...

I am very excited for you and the new little one. I know how long you had to wait for Sister and I'm so happy that you're being blessed with a third little miracle.

I generally don't comment on the rest of what you discussed, but I feel the need to today. I can personally say that the reason I left the board had nothing to do with what you call "the fight," as I knew nothing about it, who it involved, or why it happened until much later. I really didn't need to hear both sides or find out the "truth" because it didn't have anything to do with me and was none of my business.

I left because in the aftermath, most (not all) of the women who had made it seem a welcoming place to me were gone and because some (again, not all) of the remaining members took it upon themselves to say and do terrible things in regards to those women who had left. The whole board was different, acidic, and not the type of atmosphere I wanted to be a part of.

I could never understand why people couldn't just let it go, and not stick their noses into something that didn't involve them in the first place. I tried being a member of both boards for a while, and would have been completely happy to do so that I could maintain friendships with those that left and those who remained that I cared about, but the general consensus of the first board seemed to be that you "had" to pick a side, that if you wanted to associate with the women who left you weren't welcome there anymore. I'm not saying that everyone made it seem that way, but several did and I didn't feel welcome there anymore, so I left.

I don't have any hard feelings towards anyone because no one ever hurt me personally, but I do wish people would just move on with their lives and let it die. To see it brought up time and time again over a year after it happened just makes me sad to think that this is still an issue to some people.

People grow together and grow apart. That's a natural consequence of any friendship, online or true life, and I think it's going a bit far to say that July mommies were stolen away from the board. I honestly would have stayed on both boards had it not been made apparent to me that I wasn't welcome if I wanted to belong to both. I was never made to feel as if I had to choose sides at the new board.

I do regret that I don't get to talk much with those ladies from the first board who never made me feel unwelcome. I'm terrible at blog comments and while I still read and comment when I can, it's not the same as the closeness that comes from sharing a board and participating in discussions. Again, I don't have hard feelings towards anyone, and I wish everyone from the first board the best and all the happiness life has to offer.