Sunday, July 27, 2008

I feel like "me" again!

I have been on Celexa for a couple of weeks now and it is working wonderfully. I am feeling more and more like myself. Yippie! I was in a really bad place for a long time and I can't ever let myself go back there again. I don't want to be on meds for the rest of my life but if that is what it takes to keep me out of that dark place then so be it. Whatever I have to do to be "me" again, that's what I'll do. I owe it to my kids to take care of myself. I can't take care of them if I don't take care of myself first.

The kids and I flew out to Midland for a week. We spent time with Hubs sister and BIL. They are GREAT people! I had talked to SIL about my depression and she was worried about me. They offered to fly me and the kids out there for a week in hopes that they could help lift my spirits. Between the stay with the in-laws and the meds, I'm feeling great. Bubba had a blast on the plane. He had never flown before so it was all new to him. He thought it was totally cool and can't wait to go back for Thanksgiving. We had a great time while we were there. They totally kept us entertained. We went swimming, played putt putt golf, went to a minor league baseball game, and went shopping for Bubba's school clothes. We really had a good time and it was so nice to not have to worry about anything. I missed Hubs like crazy and really wish that he could have gone with us but he had to stay home and work. He missed us like crazy too and was in a hurry for us to get home. I was really shocked when I got home. I was expected the house to be a wreck, with loads of laundry and dishes to clean. Boy was I wrong. He had done laundry, dishes, and even vacuumed the entire house. I was so pleased. He's really a good hubby and I am blessed to have him and his family. I get mad at them from time to time but he really has a GREAT family and they would do anything in the world for me and my kids. God has been good to me and I don't thank Him nearly enough.

Shew! It's good to be back!

Monday, July 14, 2008

Meds Work

So I have been on the Lexapro almost 3 weeks now. About a week ago I started noticing a difference. I have felt better in the past few days than I have in months. Today was my follow up visit with the Dr. I told him how much better I felt and how I felt like I was finding myself again. He was happy for me and wrote me a prescription. He wants me to give it about 4 months and see where we are at that point. Sounds good to me! I left his office feeling great! I am feeling better and things are going well. I go to the pharmacy to get my prescription filled and the girl at the counter asks if I have insurance, um no. Are you sure you want this medicine, she asked? Um, yes! Well ma'am, it is $97.00. WHAT???? Are you kidding me??? I can't do $97.00 for 30 flippin pills. No ma'am, I guess I don't want to get the prescription.

I left the pharmacy and called the Doc's office. I explained to the nurse that I do NOT have insurance and that medicine is really expensive. Is there something else that I could try that is cheaper? Geeze Louise! Of course the Dr. had already left for the day and she would have to leave him a message to call me back in the morning. Ugh!

I can't afford $100 a month for medicine but I also can't afford not to take it. Damned if I do, damned if I don't. Stupid head of mine, why can't it just fix itself and all be well? I am hoping that the Dr. will call back with good news in the morning. Maybe he can give me more samples or change the meds or something. If not, then I don't know what to do. I will totally feel guilty if I have to spend $100 on meds because my head isn't screwed on straight.

Tuesday, July 1, 2008

So I went to the Dr.

When I made my last post, I was feeling pretty low. I had made a call to the Dr. and was waiting to hear from him. Well he called and of course, wanted to see me right away. I went in that afternoon and we talked a bit. He was sure that I was pretty depressed and had let it go on too long before asking for help. We talked about the Reglan and the possibility that it was the culprit that brought on this madness. He gave me some meds to try for a few weeks and sent me to the lab to have blood drawn. He wanted to check things out just to be sure. The blood tests all came back normal so nothing to worry about there.
I've been taking the meds for almost a week now and so far, no change. He said that it could take a couple of weeks before I begin to notice a difference. I am just impatient and I want a quick fix. I don't like feeling this way. I miss me, if that makes sense.
I spent most of the day today on the couch. I just couldn't make myself get up and do anything. Then, the more I laid around, the worse I felt. Whether I nap during the day or not, I feel like crap and then when it is time to go to bed, I can't sleep. I go to sleep and then I wake up and flip and flop for hours trying to go back to sleep. What I wouldn't give for a good nights rest.
I am trying really hard to help myself get better. I am too blessed to be depressed!