Wednesday, June 25, 2008

Depression. It's real!

Commercials flood the t.v., adds in every magazine you pick up, friends have spoken of it. I am embarrassed to admit, I always just thought it was a cop out. I thought, get up off your butt and do something. I can understand being depressed after the loss of a loved one or a tramatic experience in your life but even then, I thought, get over it.

It wasn't until recently that I realized, depression is real. It is beyond our control. There doesn't have to be a tramatic experience to bring it on and you can't "just get over it."

I have been in a bad place for a couple of months now. Depression never crossed my mind because, well, I just didn't think it was real. I wake up every day, wishing that I could just lay back down. Tired and exhausted, nothing to motivate me. Things that I once loved, I no longer have interest in. Eating, it's too much effort. I have often times thought, dying would be better than feeling this way. I cry for no apparent reason, I pray and ask God what is wrong with me. When I go out in public, I put on my happy face, while inside, I'm screaming for help. I hate feeling this way and I don't know how much longer I can.

I have been taking medication for lactation for many months now. After telling a friend how I have been feeling, she suggested that I check the side effects of the medication. There it was, right on the side of the bottle, may cause severe depression and anxiety. If you experience these feelings, contact your Dr. immediately. Geeze, there it was in front of my face the whole time. Could this be it? Could I be depressed because of the medication I was taking in order to feed my baby? I have made a call to my Dr. and I am waiting for him to return my call. I am hoping for a quick fix but I am not going to bank on it. I am just ready to feel "normal" again. I want to be ME again. The way I am now, I can't be the mom, wife, or person that I want to be. I admit it, I need help!

I now know that depression is VERY real. You can't control it and it is not your fault. God has been good to me and I have so many things to be thankful for. At first, I thought, why do I have the right to be depressed? But then, some friends, they made me realize that I don't have control over this, the depression has control over me. I just want to be better and now, going through this, I will be MUCH more understanding.

8 comments:

MollyDoll said...

I'm so glad you placed a call to your doc. NEVER be embarrassed to ask for help. You do so much for your family, and it's okay to pause and take care of yourself, too. I'm hoping that you find some solutions soon. If you ever want to talk, I'm here. (((HUGS)))

Girl said...

I won't lie, meds aren't a "quick" fix but may help with time and someone to talk to helps I think. I do better in a "counseling" situation rather then trying to work it out by myself.

I hope that this cloud passes quickly for you. I have lived under it a lot of my life. You, as always, are in my thoughts and prayers and as I said before, am just a phone call away.

Hope you find your rainbow soon.

Jonathon said...

Dude, if it's Reglan I've heard that can cause crazy depression issues! Whatever it is, congrats to you for looking for help and taking care of yourself. You don't deserve to feel that way and I am praying that things get better soon for you.

Tara, www.twolinesonastick.com

Amy said...

Good luck and hopefully you will be back to your old self soon.

Packsaddle said...

Hi!

You are greater than your emotions.

You will rise above the bad feelings....they are only temporary.

Smile.

Tiffany said...

Hey sweetie, I am so sorry you're going through this. What a relief though to have found a reason you are feeling the way you are. I hope anyway.

Many thoughts and prayers being sent your way!

Mrs. Red said...

Many huge prayers, sweetie! Hang in there!

J.C. said...

((hugs))