Wednesday, June 25, 2008

Depression. It's real!

Commercials flood the t.v., adds in every magazine you pick up, friends have spoken of it. I am embarrassed to admit, I always just thought it was a cop out. I thought, get up off your butt and do something. I can understand being depressed after the loss of a loved one or a tramatic experience in your life but even then, I thought, get over it.

It wasn't until recently that I realized, depression is real. It is beyond our control. There doesn't have to be a tramatic experience to bring it on and you can't "just get over it."

I have been in a bad place for a couple of months now. Depression never crossed my mind because, well, I just didn't think it was real. I wake up every day, wishing that I could just lay back down. Tired and exhausted, nothing to motivate me. Things that I once loved, I no longer have interest in. Eating, it's too much effort. I have often times thought, dying would be better than feeling this way. I cry for no apparent reason, I pray and ask God what is wrong with me. When I go out in public, I put on my happy face, while inside, I'm screaming for help. I hate feeling this way and I don't know how much longer I can.

I have been taking medication for lactation for many months now. After telling a friend how I have been feeling, she suggested that I check the side effects of the medication. There it was, right on the side of the bottle, may cause severe depression and anxiety. If you experience these feelings, contact your Dr. immediately. Geeze, there it was in front of my face the whole time. Could this be it? Could I be depressed because of the medication I was taking in order to feed my baby? I have made a call to my Dr. and I am waiting for him to return my call. I am hoping for a quick fix but I am not going to bank on it. I am just ready to feel "normal" again. I want to be ME again. The way I am now, I can't be the mom, wife, or person that I want to be. I admit it, I need help!

I now know that depression is VERY real. You can't control it and it is not your fault. God has been good to me and I have so many things to be thankful for. At first, I thought, why do I have the right to be depressed? But then, some friends, they made me realize that I don't have control over this, the depression has control over me. I just want to be better and now, going through this, I will be MUCH more understanding.

Saturday, June 14, 2008

Is there an end in sight?

The grocery store, the baseball field, no matter where I go, it's at least a 25 mile trip one way. With gas at $4.00 a gallon and getting higher every day, our budget is all out of whack. It costs Hubs about $100 a week just to go to work. I know that we are not the only ones and that everyone is being hit hard by the gas prices but it doesn't make it any easier to accept.
I keep thinking of those that don't make as much money as we do. The ones that were barely getting by before the gas prices spiked so badly. What will happen to this country if the gas prices keep going up? People can't afford to go to work. How strange does that sound?
They are trying to come up with cars that run on less gas, like the Hybrid. The problem is, the people that really need those types of cars, can't afford to buy them. Hybrids aren't cheap. How are the lower class people that can barely afford the hoopty they are driving going to purchase a better car? It just makes me sad to think about it.

Sunday, June 8, 2008

How does your garden grow?

We are up to our ears in fresh veggies. Hubs nor I had ever planted a garden before. We jumped into this new project feet fist and are now benefiting the fruits (or shall I say veggies) of our labor. I have put away tons of turnip greens and squash already. The beans and peas are almost ready to be picked. We have over 60 tomato plants that will be ripening any day now. I may have bitten off more than I can chew. We got a little plant happy in the beginning and it looks like we will have way more than we could ever eat.

We have learned a lot with our new venture. We know what to plant, when to plant it, and how much to plant now. We should have done this research before we started but we were just excited to get things going.

I have been looking online and in cook books, trying to learn how to put things away and preserve them. I guess I need to start looking for new recipes and ways to prepare stuff too. I think it will be fun to learn new ways to prepare our fresh veggies. If you have any cool recipes you would like to pass on, I'd me more than happy to accept.

Monday, June 2, 2008

The Silent Treatment

Oye-vay! I get mad at him so he gets mad at me. It is a vicious cycle. He can be such a child. He stayed in the bedroom literally all day yesterday. He would come out long enough to grab something to eat and take it back to the bedroom with him but that was it. He avoided me at all costs. Ignoring me makes him feel like he is right and I am wrong. Like he wants me to apologize or something. Ppppffft, ain't happening.

He yelled at Bubba the other night over something so stupid. He humiliated him in front of his friend and really hurt his feelings. Bubba is just a boy and he's a GOOD boy, there is no need in yelling at him and talking to him like he is less than human. Hubs says he is trying to teach him something. He says that Bubba can't remember anything and that he is tired of telling him over and over again the same things. Well guess what? It is stupid crap that doesn't freaking matter and he is just a kid, he's gonna forget.

So he leaves his bookbag by the front door, what does it hurt? NOTHING. He's gonna get it on his way out in the morning anyway. Is it in the way? NO. He forgot to bring his football inside after playing catch last night. Is it the end of the world? NO. He fell asleep with his t.v. on. Did anyone suffer from it? NO. Gah, you don't have to be so damn hard on him. Just remind him, and let it go. Yelling at him and threatening to beat his butt isn't working. He's a good kid and he needs for you to get off of his ass over the stupid stuff. If you are going to teach him something then teach him how to be a good husband and a great father. Don't teach him to yell and scream and talk down to people. Treat him like he is a human being, not some puppy you found on the road.
I am so sick of you riding his butt over things that don't mean anything. I know that you have to tell him things over and over again. I don't know a kid that you don't have to do that to. It is called being a KID! How about we focus on the important stuff and let the other stuff go. We would ALL be a lot happier if you would just chill the crap out and lighten up some. I know that you are stressed about finances and stuff but seriously dude, don't take it out on us.

P.S. How long you plan on giving me the silent treatment this time? I kinda like it!