Sunday, May 11, 2008

My least favorite holiday!

Mother's Day was today, moms birthday is tomorrow. I always have a tough time during Mother's Day weekend. It was Mother's Day weekend when I decided to end my first marriage. Mom had only been gone less than 7 months and I was at a really low point in my life. Instead of staying home with me and comforting me, he went to a rodeo and then hog hunting. It was then that I realized, life is too short to live unhappy. I made up my mind that it was over and nothing was going to change it.

It wasn't quite as bad this year as it has been in the past. We stayed pretty busy, therefore I didn't have much time for thinking and feeling sorry for myself. We had to seine fish today and deliver 1000 lbs. to an RV park. The weather was nice and seining wasn't too bad but it wasn't exactly what I would have chosen to do on Mother's Day.

October 18th will be 9 years since my mom died. Some days, it seems like only yesterday. Other days, it seems like forever ago. I miss her so much and I hate that my kids never got to know her. She would have been a great grandma and they would have loved her so much. Bubba has seen pictures of her and I tell him about her but he will never truly "know" her and that makes me sad. Losing my mom at such a young age has shown me how precious life is and that we should never take anything for granted. You just never know when it is your time to go. She was diagnosed with cancer in July and passed in October. She was only 42 years old and had so much to live for. Cancer is evil and I hate it!

Bubba was a sweetheart today. He offered to watch Sister and let me take a nap. I couldn't let him do that but the offer was super duper sweet. He begged me to let him but he is just not ready for that just yet. Sister still requires a lot of attention and she gets into everything if you don't watch her closely. Since I wouldn't let him "babysit" he decided to give me a massage instead. He's such a sweet boy and he has such a big heart.

I hope I am raising him right and he turns out okay. I often worry about that. All I want to be in life is a good mom. If the only thing people remember about me when I am gone is that I was a good mom, then I have done my job. Being a mom is tough stuff. Motherhood doesn't come with a set of rules and a manual. We have to learn as we go along. I know there are plenty of things that had I known then, what I know now, I would have done them differently. I don't think I have made any major mistakes but quite a few little ones. I wish that I had more patience. That is the number one thing that I still need to work on. I am trying, and some days I do better than others but I am only human.

No big gifts from the Hubs today but that's okay. I told him, he has already given me the greatest gift of all. He has allowed me to stay home and be a mother to my children and to me, there is no greater gift that he could give me. I am so thankful to be able to stay home and mother my children. I know that I could get a job and we could have more but to me, it isn't worth it. I love being a mom!

Happy Mother's Day Mom! I can't wait until I see you again!


Girl said...

Happy Mother's Day to you... Momma's watching you being such a nice mother..many hugs.

Jonathon said...

Happy Mother's Day to you and to your mom. And I agree, we could always have more but I wouldn't trade staying home with Bailey, either.


canape said...

Happy Mother's Day. Bubba is an awesome little boy!

Harmony said...

Happy Mothers' Day!!

Tiffany said...

What a great post. Bubba makes my heart melt, he is amazing and you are doing such a great job.

You made me cry with the last line in this post. I am so sorry you lost your Mom. Cancer is evil, very very evil. Big hugs hon.