I haven't blogged in awhile. I had to take some time to myself and time to think. I guess I kind of got my feelings hurt that I rarely get comments. Then, once I really thought about it, I blog for myself more than anything so the comments shouldn't affect me. It is hard to say that they don't because who doesn't like to get comments? But, I have to blog first and foremost, for me. Writing is like cheap therapy. I may have blogged to much about myself and scared some people off but I can't let that bother me. I am who I am because of my past. I can't hide that any longer.
For a long time, I didn't tell ANYONE about the things that had happened to me. I never told my mother before she died. She knew, because of the whole court thing, but she never knew details and I never wanted anyone in my family to know the truth. Now, I don't feel that way at all. In the beginning, I felt guilty, I felt ashamed and I didn't want anyone, let alone my family to know what horror I went through. Now that I have done some healing and opening up, I realize that in order for me to completely heal, I had to talk about it. I have told Hubs most of what happened and I have told mil some small details but I still haven't told them everything. I tried to tell my sister some things but she didn't want to hear it. She still blames me for taking her daddy away from her. Because of his probation he wasn't allowed at school functions, couldn't leave the city limits without written permission, and all sorts of other things that I really don't care to know about. She thinks he is the most perfect man to ever step onto the face of the earth, and while he may be a changed man now, (I really don't know) he is far, I mean far, from perfect.
So, I will continue to blog, I will continue to heal, and I will try really hard, not to let the lack of comments bother me. I will blog for me and that is what is most important. Me, wow, I said it, I am important. That is a major step in the right direction.