Sunday, February 3, 2008

Back at it!

I haven't blogged in awhile. I had to take some time to myself and time to think. I guess I kind of got my feelings hurt that I rarely get comments. Then, once I really thought about it, I blog for myself more than anything so the comments shouldn't affect me. It is hard to say that they don't because who doesn't like to get comments? But, I have to blog first and foremost, for me. Writing is like cheap therapy. I may have blogged to much about myself and scared some people off but I can't let that bother me. I am who I am because of my past. I can't hide that any longer.
For a long time, I didn't tell ANYONE about the things that had happened to me. I never told my mother before she died. She knew, because of the whole court thing, but she never knew details and I never wanted anyone in my family to know the truth. Now, I don't feel that way at all. In the beginning, I felt guilty, I felt ashamed and I didn't want anyone, let alone my family to know what horror I went through. Now that I have done some healing and opening up, I realize that in order for me to completely heal, I had to talk about it. I have told Hubs most of what happened and I have told mil some small details but I still haven't told them everything. I tried to tell my sister some things but she didn't want to hear it. She still blames me for taking her daddy away from her. Because of his probation he wasn't allowed at school functions, couldn't leave the city limits without written permission, and all sorts of other things that I really don't care to know about. She thinks he is the most perfect man to ever step onto the face of the earth, and while he may be a changed man now, (I really don't know) he is far, I mean far, from perfect.
So, I will continue to blog, I will continue to heal, and I will try really hard, not to let the lack of comments bother me. I will blog for me and that is what is most important. Me, wow, I said it, I am important. That is a major step in the right direction.

6 comments:

MollyDoll said...

Sometimes I get a ton of comments, and other times, none. I try not to let it get to me. I figure maybe people are busy, or don't have anything constructive to say. Keep blogging though, like you said, it's cheap therapy. You're a strong woman, and opening up is a sign of strength, not of weakness. (((HUGS)))

Girl said...

You go girl...

Harmony said...

Don't go away! I agree comments are nice, but I know I sometimes read and don't comment, but I still want to be able to read again, ya know? Hang in there :)

gooksu said...

I feel the same way. I usually don't get any comments but I'm not good at commenting either so I try to understand. for me, I don't usually have the luxury of reading people's blogs and when I do have time, I'd like to spend it reading than commenting or I have baby in my arms and can't comment. I blog as a way to vent so it doesn't matter to me if anyone reads it or not, it's still a new concept for me so I'm surpised when I get any comments.

Jamie said...

Becky, i never have left a comment mostly because i don't know what to say and sometimes because i felt like i was *spying* on you and your life! lol, but i guess you wouldn't put it out here if you felt that way, huh?? :) i agree that it's a type of therapy, i used to keep a journal and it helped and if i had more time i would probably blog, so don't stop!! i'm sorry for all you went thru, i had NO idea, and i hope that you continue to heal-you are a strong woman, and that says a lot considering what you went thru-you have 2 beautiful children and of course D too, i know they mean the world to you and that's everything ya know!! :) i'm sure we'll be seeing you soon! this is Noah and Rance's mom btw!! :)

canape said...

I'm a guilty lurker. Sorry about that :)

But I'm here and reading. Always.