Wednesday, January 9, 2008

This mom thing, it's tough stuff!

Bubba woke up this morning, crying, saying he had a sore throat. I looked at his throat and it looked a little red but nothing too serious. I think he may have slept with his mouth open and his throat got a little dry. He didn't feel like he had fever but I could be wrong. The thermometer is still at the old house so I must make an attempt to go get that today.
Bubba has a big test today and I am not sure if he was trying to get out of taking that test today or if his throat was really as sore he said it was. He made a 105 on his Science test yesterday and really seems to be making an effort to make better grades. The Reading test today is a big one and could make or break his grade for the 6 weeks reporting period. We studied the material several times last night and I think he knows it all but he knows that there is a lot riding on this test.
I remember being in school and dreading taking a big test and would "play" sick on test day so that I could have another day to study, but that was in High School. I made him go to school. If he is really as sick as he says he is then I am going to feel horrible and be worst mom of the year. He has to stay at school until 10:00 a.m. in order to get counted as present for the day so I told him to at least try and make it until then and if he just can't make it to go to the nurses office and get checked out.
This test is such a big test because he knows that if he doesn't make a good grade then he can't play in our first basketball game this Saturday. I hate putting pressure like that on him but I have to take a stand somewhere. He has been acting out and not making his kind of grades because of attention issues. I think that we have addressed those issues and Hubs and I have really been trying to show extra attention to him and put forth the extra effort.
This thing called parenting, it is tough stuff. I really want to be the best mom that I can be and I want my kids to know that I put forth every effort to do the best that I can. I just wonder if that is enough. I look back on my childhood and I try to remember how tough things were and how I wish my mom had done some things differently. I try not to make the same mistakes that she made. I try to learn from her mistakes and of course make my own, but I try to keep those to a minimum.

It is really important to me to be a great mom. My mom was my best friend. I hope that my kids can feel that way about me someday. Just days before she died, she wrote me a letter. In that letter, she asked me to forgive her for all of her short comings and told me how proud of me she was for being a great mom. She made mistakes and was not perfect but it wasn't until after she was gone that I realized how great she really was. She spent her entire life taking care of someone. She really tried to be a good mom. She did all of the little things that not all moms did. She started out very young and had lots of growing up to do herself but she always, and I mean always, made time for us. She always stood up for us and we knew that we could count on her no matter what. I just hate that it took her dying for me to realize all of the sacrifices that she made and all that she gave up for us kids. In the letter she wrote me, she said that she wished that she could have been as good of a mom as I was. I say, if I turn out to be half the mom that she was, I have made an accomplishment. I will use her mistakes as learning tools and try not to make those but I will make mistakes of my own. In the end, I just want my kids to know that I love them and will do anything in my power to make their lives as happy and pain free as I possibly can. Being a mom is tough stuff but there is nothing more rewarding in this world.


So, I got a phone call at 10:35 a.m. He was in the nurses office, had fever, still had the sore throat and was being sent home. I picked him up, stopped by the corner store and got him an Icee. Poor thing, he wasn't faking this morning, he really was sick. I took his temp and he has 101 fever. Hubs is in town and on his way home with meds for Bubba. Gah, Mother of The Year, I am NOT! :(

1 comment:

gooksu said...

that's a tough call with knowing if your grown child is pretending or not. I think you should be mother of the year, regardless. Poor B!!