Tuesday, November 27, 2007

Poor Baby

Sister has had a runny nose for a few days now and it doesn't seem to be getting better. I have been running the cool mist humidifier, using the Vapor Bath, Little Noses every few hours, and the all too wonderful boogy sucker. She hates having her nose wiped and she turns her head and screams now every time she sees the boogy sucker. I would be sick 10 times over if I could just make her feel better. I hate for one of my kids to be sick. It just breaks my heart.

Bubba is having trouble in school and I am at a loss as to what to do for him. He is so smart and could be doing so much better than what he is. I know that his life has changed dramatically and all but he swears that having a new baby at home isn't the problem. He was the one and only for 9 years and I know that deep down it has to bother him to come extent even though he says it doesn't. I just don't know what to do for him.
His grades aren't bad, not for the average student, but Bubba isn't the average student. If he were doing his best and I knew in my heart that he was doing the best that he could do, I wouldn't mind the "average" grades so much. But, I know Bubba and I know that he isn't putting forth half the effort that he could. He is going through a stage where he thinks he is "cool." He is the youngest kid in the 5Th grade because he is a year ahead of what he is supposed to be and he has become quite the popular kid. He has really taken a liking to his new popularity and I think he is more interested in being the "cool kid" instead of being the "smart kid." I have tried to explain to him that he can be both of those kids at the same time.
I know I put a lot of pressure on him but I just want what is best for him and I want him to succeed in whatever his heart desires. I just don't know if I am pushing him too hard. Do I just let him do a half hearted job and get by middle of the road or do I push him and challenge him to do the best he can do? He used to be such a perfectionist with his work and really care what he made. Now, it seems like he could care less. The only reason he even gives a rats rip is because he knows that he will get in trouble if it gets too bad. I just don't know what to do.

I told him that he couldn't play basketball until the half way mark of this 6 wks and we will see what his grades are. He has cried and begged but I am stinking to it. It would completely break my heart for him not to play but I have to get his attention somehow right? Gah, this parenting thing is tough stuff!

Monday, November 26, 2007

Home Again Home Again

Wowzers, that was one horrible trip home. Blizzards, rain storms, traffic jams, and one really unhappy baby. Twelve hours on the road is just too long. We had a great time in Midland and really enjoyed our visit, but I will not be going back any time soon. I just can't handle that drive and I just find it totally unnecessary to put myself or my kids through that trip. It is much easier for them to come here, and they usually do, it is just the two of them and they can handle the drive much better than me and my kiddos. Besides, they have been making that trip for over 30 years.

Bubba got to play in the snow! He had the best time ever! Snowball fights, snow angels, and snowmen, he was in heaven. That is really the first time he has seen that kind of snow. He had a blast and it made the hole trip worth it. I took a bazillion pics and I caught some really great shots of them. I can't wait to get them loaded onto the computer so I can see them up close.

Our new house is sitting here waiting for us to get busy and get moved in. We have a lot of work to do before that can happen so we really need to get on it asap. I need to call the electric company today, gotta get the phone line ran, the septic system dug, the walls painted like I want, and furniture, oye. I want to move in today but I know it will be a process. Just knowing that we will be getting out of this cramped little space makes me happy.

New house, new camera, healthy children and a great husband, what more could a girl ask for? I am sure I could find something, hehe. **smooch**

Saturday, November 24, 2007

Let It Snow

We are still in Midland, and crap it is cold. It snowed the first day we were here and Bubba had a blast. It wasn't much and it didn't stay long but it is supposed to snow about 5-8 inches tonight so we may just wake up to a white ground. I don't like the cold and I am really ready to go home but I would love for Bubba to be able to build a snowman before we leave. That would totally make his weekend even more special.
We have had a good time and things have went smoothly but I am homesick. I am dreading that 9 hour drive tomorrow but it will be so sweet once we get back to where there are trees.

To update on my last post: I went by and seen "step-mom". She called as I was leaving town the other day. I took Sister by there and let her see her, my dad has been good to me and I really want to make things as easy for him as possible, so I did my part. It was really weird though. I will never feel the same about her again and I will never let myself nor my kids get close enough to her again to get hurt. She just acted like nothing had ever happened and I just don't work like that. My dad came in while I was there and I could tell that it really made him happy and took a lot of tension off of him, so for that, I am glad I went by. For my dad's sake, I hope they work things out, but as far as me and my kids are concerned, we will keep our distance.

Monday, November 19, 2007

I Do Not Understand Her

Over a month ago she refused my apology. Today she emails me and invites us to Thanksgiving dinner at her sisters house. Is she on crack? I swear, she is the strangest person I have ever met. We will not be here for Thanksgiving, so I don't have to worry about turning her down because my dad knows that we have had plans to go out of town for quite some time.

But.....do I give her the power to hurt me and my children again? She is so on again off again and my kids deserve better than that. She hasn't spoken to Bubba since March. Because she was mad at me, she didn't come to his birthday party, didn't call him and wish him happy birthday, ignored his many, many voice mails. How juvenile is she to punish and innocent child because she is upset with me? He is just a kid, he did NOTHING wrong, yet she hasn't had anything to do with him because of me. She has been his MeMe since the day he was born. He loves her and doesn't understand why she won't call him back or come see him play ball.

Should I really set my kids up for that again? She has emailed so now she is trying to mend things I guess but I don't know if I am ready. I tried apologizing a month or so ago and she shot me down so I pretty much decided that I was done with her. I actually apologized for something that I didn't even feel like I did wrong, but to make things easier for my dad, I tried to make amends.

She has never even seen Sister. Didn't come to the shower, didn't come to the hospital when I had her, and has never once even attempted to see her. Gah, what do I do? She and I were so close at one time. She really helped me through some tough times, like when my mom died, my divorce. I don't know what to do. I guess the best thing I can do is leave the matter in God's hands and let Him take control.

Why does life have to be so hard? Why can't everyone just get along and love one another? Life is too short!

Sunday, November 18, 2007

Deer Slayer, Ah, Not So Much

Hubs took Bubba to sight the guns in yesterday. He was really proud of Bubba. He was within an inch or two on every shot. Wow, that is pretty good for a 9 year old right? Last night I lay his clothes out and have all of his things ready for the two of them to go hunting this morning. He was so excited that he could barely sleep. About 8:00 a.m. I heard the shot. Oh boy, my baby boy has killed his first deer. I was so excited, waiting in anticipation for them to call and tell me how big it was. I waited, and I waited, and I waited. Finally, the call came. Did you hear Bubba shoot, YES YES, What did he kill, Um, he missed it. No way! I was heartbroken for him. Hubs says they are going to stay awhile longer and see if they can get a shot on anything else.

Oh boy, I heard it again. He shot! Surely he got it this time. Yay! Just a few minutes pass by and the phone rang. I yell, yay, what did he get dad? Um, he missed again. It was a HUGE buck, the grandaddy of all deer, and he missed him. What? How could he miss TWO deer in the same day? My heart sunk because I knew that he would be heartbroken.

Hubs said that they looked and looked for blood because he just couldn't believe that he missed it. But, they found nothing. My poor boy missed twice today. Now he is heartbroken and not sure if he ever wants to go again. He is feeling pretty down and has been pouting most of the afternoon.

Hubs spared him the humiliation of cutting his shirt tail off, that is the tradition, when you miss a dear. Besides, hubs knows that if he cuts his shirt tail off, he will have to be the one to replace it.

I hope my boy doesn't give up. And I hope that Hubs doesn't give up on him. I want him to get his first deer so badly. Maybe they will go again this evening and maybe, just maybe, he will redeem himself as The Deer Slayer.

Thursday, November 15, 2007

Stupid photographer, oye!

I took the kids to have their Christmas pics made today. Sister was in a great mood, smiling and laughing, the perfect time to take photos. I had the perfect outfit picked out for both of them and was so excited about getting their pics taken. Bubba looked so handsome in his sweater vest and tie. Sister, with her plaid dress and little red beret. I just knew that we were going to have the "perfect" pics today.
The lady that was to take their photos was really nice and seemed excited and anxious to get started. We picked out our backgrounds and were on our way. She got Bubba set and ready to hold Sister, everything was going well. Sister was in my arms smiling and cooing away. Then the phone rang. She stopped to answer the phone and chit chat with her friend. Then as we get set and ready to go again, another customer comes in to pick up their photos. She went and waited on them and sent them on their way.
I am thinking to myself, this baby is not going to stay happy all day. Yep, I was right. This "photographer" (and I use the word lighty) was a complete idiot. She could not take a decent photo if someone took it for her. She kept readjusting Bubba. Tried to sit Sister up by herself, (when she is clearly not able to do that yet.) Nope, that isn't going to work, let's try this, nope, how about this? Is there any certain pose that you have in mind? Damn woman, I am not the photographer here, you are. After about 45 minutes of her readjusting and rearranging, Sister had had enough. She was done for!
We left there with not one decent photo. Now I have to go though this all over again. Why can't they hire decent people to work at these places? Any decent photographer should know that if you have a smiling cooperative baby you better take advantage of it while you can.
I really wanted to get those photos taken today. I really wanted to have that behind me. I need to get started on Christmas cards and have one less thing to worry about over the next few weeks. But no, stupid, worthless "photographer."
I can't wait to get my new camera. I will take my own dang photos and to heck with those idiots at the studio.
Looks like we will be heading back to the studio on Monday to give it another shot. GGGrrrrrrr!

Sunday, November 11, 2007

Las Vegas Baby!

Bright lights, limousines, screeching cabs, clanking machines, and loud music. That is the sounds and sights of Las Vegas! $80 bucks for the hair, $65 for the nails, nerves and excitement, as I waited for the limo to come pick us up. We were getting married. Long lines at the courthouse to get a license and finally, we are on our way to the chapel. It went smoothly, we took our photos and said our I do's, we were happy, in-love, and ready for the world. We went back to the room to gather a few things and set out for an evening on the town.

I had to make a couple of phone calls before we left for the evening so that everyone would know that we were "hitched." I called his parents first, we had spoken to them just minutes before we went down to get in the limo and they were SO excited and made us promise to call the minute we got back for the "ceremony." When I got his mom on the phone, I knew something wasn't quite right, the sadness in her voice was not what I was expecting. I think I knew the instant I heard her speak the first word but I was hoping beyond all hope that it wasn't true. I asked her what was wrong, she kept telling me nothing, I repeated again and finally, she caved, he had passed away. My FIL had literally taken his last breath at the exact time that DH and I were saying our I do's.

It was his dying wish for us to get married and I am so glad that we granted his last wish. It was really hard telling my husband, that I had just married minutes before, that his father had passed away. He we were, thousands of miles from home, and his dad had passed on. We tried to get an emergency flight home but everyone insisted that we stay. His father wanted us to get married, wanted us to have a great time, and would have wanted us to stay, so we did. They would plan the funeral around our plans, it would really only be holding things off for one day. We would cry a little, go out on the town awhile, come back and cry a little, and then leave again. We tried really hard to make the best of it and enjoy ourselves in his honor, but wow, it was tough.

That was 6 years ago today. It is really hard to explain the emotions of today. On one hand, it is the day I married my husband, the man I intend on spending the rest of my life with, on the other hand, it is the day that I lost my fil. Happy, yet sad too. And no one, I mean no one, in the family, ever remembers that it is our anniversary, it is always the day that Josh died.

However, I won't be sitting around the house today, moping or thinking about it, I am going to the ballpark, my second home, to watch Bubba play his last tournament of the season. He played two great games yesterday. He pitched 2 innings, struck out 3 batters, picked a man off of second, got 3 hits, stole 2 bases and scored 2 runs. I am so proud of him. He is a natural athlete and enjoys every minute he spends on the field.

Our fish even at Pearland went off without a hitch yesterday. Sister was the BEST baby ever. She was a perfect little angel. I was so worried that it was going to be tough on us and that she would be fussy or whiny. Nope, not a peep out of her. She sat in the stroller awhile and just watched everyone, then I strapped her in the Moby for awhile, where she was perfectly content. I fed her about half way through the day and changed her diaper and then all was well. Overall, it was a great event, we made a good chunk of change, and everyone was happy. Yay!

Friday, November 9, 2007

Big fish event this weekend

I must admit that I am a little nervous about this weekend. We do these types of events all of the time but they threw a little something extra on us this time. We will make a good chunk of change this weekend and I just want it to go smoothly so that we keep their business. The event is only 4 hours but that can seem like an eternity during these events sometimes.

I really hope that Sister does okay. I am hoping that she naps during most of it. It sure would make it easier on everyone if she does. I am really going to miss Bubba being there this weekend. He is such a BIG help to us. I don't know how we ever did it without his help.

We will be back late Saturday night so we will get to see Bubba play ball on Sunday. It is his last tournament of the season. This is the first time ever that I haven't coached his team. I just HAD to take a break once Sister was born. I will be jumping into coaching basketball again in a few weeks and then I will coach baseball again in the spring. I think it has done him some good to be coached by someone else for a change.

Bubba is required to be in band this year and he is playing the Alto Saxaphone. He is required to practice at least 2 1/2 hours each week. When in the world are we going to find the time? I honestly don't know how people with more than one child involved in extra curricular activities does it. Maybe that is why God put so many years between my two.

Tuesday, November 6, 2007

Coming out of this funk

Things are really starting to look up around here. We are not building our Dream Home just yet but we are buying a bigger house. We have lived in this itty, bitty, cluttered hole for far too long and it is time for a change. I am so excited about moving and I am using this new home as a new beginning for all of us. I have been in this funk long enough and my children deserve ALL of me. I have vowed to get up off of my butt and do something about it. No more feeling sorry for myself and pouting. I am a strong woman and it is high time I get up and show it.

I am so excited about painting and decorating. I have been looking and searching, trying to find the perfect colors for every room. I can't wait to get started. Bubba wants his room decorated in all sports stuff, mostly baseball of course. He has started himself a wishlist for Christmas and almost everything on it is stuff for his room. Baseball clocks and baseball rugs and baseball pillows and baseball posters and baseball lamps, sheesh, the kid is going to turn into a baseball. I am so happy for him, he deserves a great room that he can be proud of.

DH and Bubba worked all weekend on the water line. They had to lay 240 yrds. of pipe. We have to get water ready for the new house. Bubba wasn't really thrilled about doing it but he ended up having a pretty good time. DH taught him how to drive the Ditch Witch and he thought that was pretty cool. It was 86 degrees here this weekend so they got a little warm while they were working but I just kept reminding them of the benefits. It is good for them to spend time together like that. They need that bonding.

Saturday, November 3, 2007

A year already?

Wow, how time flies. Today is the one year anniversary of my Popa. He is the one that I thought would live forever. He was a man of steel. Never sick and always happy. I miss him so much! It is so hard to believe that he is gone.

Popa, so many images come to mind whenever I speak your name.
Like the times when I was just a child and we danced in the rain.
Throughout the years you've always been a wonderful man you see.
When I was small you took the time to bounce me on your knee.
It seems like only yesterday you wiped away my tears,
And late at night I called your name to chase away my fears.
You were the one who sang to me and whispered nighty night,
As you tucked me in the bed and pulled the covers tight.
I will never forget the good old days when I was just a child,
When my life was consumed in you, in your love, and in your smile.
I will forever cherish all the times when I always looked to you,
No matter what happened in my life, you could make my gray skies blue.
Oh Popa, if I could turn back time and once more hear your voice,
I would tell you that out of all the world, you would still be my choice.
Please always know I love you and no one can ever take your place.
Years may come and go but your memory will never be erased.
God saw you getting tired, a cure was not to be,
So he put His arms around you and whispered, "Come with me."
I sadly watched you suffer and saw you fade away.
Although I loved you dearly, I could not make you stay.
A golden heart stopped beating, hard working hands laid to rest.
Your love is forever in my heart, Popa, you truly were the best.
Today Jesus as You are listening in Your home above,
Please go find my Popa and give him all my love.
I love you Popa, and I will FOREVER be your girl!