Why can't I just let it go? I hate that I hold on to hurt for so long. I truly have a wonderful MIL but she hurt me deeply and I can't get over it no matter how hard I try. First, she talked about how "fat" I was during my entire pregnancy and then once Sister got here she talked about me behind my back and questioned my parenting skills. At least that is the way I took it. It really hurt me and now, no matter how hard I try, I just can't feel the same about her anymore. I know that she means well and she would do anything in this world to make it right but I can't help it. I really have to learn to forgive. The Bible says that we have to forgive in order to be forgiven. God, please help me with that.
I don't deal with pain well. I have been hurt so many times by so many different people. I put up a wall and tend to not let people in and once I do and they hurt me I can't let it go. I hate that about me. I feel like no one really knows the "real" me. I get tired of pretending that I am this strong person that can handle anything thrown my way. Deep down inside, where no one ever sees, I am in pain.
The 8th year of my mother's death is approaching and it is affecting me already. I dread that day and I try to hide the fact that it is ripping my heart out. I have held so much hurt and anger inside for so long that one day it will have to come out. I know that part of the healing will have to take place within myself and I am not sure how to begin.
I guess I am just feeling a little sorry for myself. I will get over it, put on my happy face and start tomorrow as a new day.