Thursday, December 20, 2007

Movin' In

I think I am finally done with my shopping. I got Bubba a Wii, (had to stand in line for 3 hours, but I got it) his Fathead arrived, and all the other little odds and ends are completed. I still have wrapping to do but other than the wrapping, I am done. Yippie!

This weekend we will be moving into the new house. I am so excited that I don't know what to do. What more could I ask for? A beautiful baby girl, a sweet little boy, a husband that works his butt off to support us and provide for us, a new camera that rocks, new furniture, and a NEW HOUSE! God is GOOD! I have so much to be thankful for.
The new house has really kept me busy the last few weeks and really helped to keep my mind occupied. This is the first time since my mom died that I haven't been sitting around pouting and feeling sorry for myself. I still miss her terribly and I know that on Christmas Day it will hit me like it always does. I will have to disapear for a bit, shed a few tears and talk to my mom and tell her how badly that I miss her, but at least I haven't let it consume me this year.

My little brother and his family are coming this weekend to help Hubs move the appliances. I am sure that we could do it on our own but it sure would be nice to have help.
Even though we will be moving in, there is still lots to do. I have so many ideas in my head of things that I want to paint and things that I want to do. I haven't been this excited about anything in a long time. I have lived in this ugly, dark house for so long, ugh. I will not miss it! It may take us awhile, especially since we just lost that big business deal, but I will eventually get everything decorated just like I want it. I will finally have a home that I can be proud of and not be ashamed for someone to come and visit. I have promised Bubba that the first weekend we are available, and after the holidays, he can have a friend spend the night with him. He hasn't had a friend over in over a year.

Sunday, December 16, 2007

Still no Wii

I heard about the big sale today to promote the Wii. Stores have had them hidden in the back rooms for days now. So I called my dad and asked him if he would be so kind and try to get one for Bubba, I would just pay him back. He said sure and he and step-mom got up bright and early and went to K-Mart. They were supposed to open at 6:00 so Dad got there before 5:30. Well, they only had 7 of the damn things and dad didn't get one. They left there and drove to Target which didn't open until 8:00 and there were already people lined up outside, sitting in their lawn chairs bundled up with blankets.
Why are these things so darn hard to come by? Why do we all wait until the last minute to do things? I honestly had no idea that they were going to be this hard to find or I would have purchased one months ago when they were consistently on the shelves.
I don't know what I am going to do. Bubba only asked for 2 things for Christmas, a Wii and a Fathead. The Wii was supposed to be from Santa. It breaks my heart that I can't get it for him. There is still a little time and I am not giving up hope. Maybe, just maybe I can get my hands on one before the Jolly Old Fellow comes to town.

Wednesday, December 12, 2007

What is it with him?

My little sister messaged me today. She wants to know why I haven't talked to my "biological father" lately. Why is she starting this again? What gives?
He left me when I was about 2 and never looked back. When I was 15 I was curious and I went and found him. Living in the same town of course, but he had never bothered to make contact. At the time I didn't care. I just wanted to get to know the man that helped to give me life. There were so many answers that I wanted and so much learning that I had to do. I was young and naive and going through some things at home.

At first, he was perfect. I couldn't believe what I had been missing out on all of those years. He filled my head with lies of how he used to come and watch me from afar and how he really wanted to contact me but was afraid of rejection.
Long story short, I moved in with him, his wife, and their 3 children just months after I met him. Not long after that, it started.

Only 4 months after I moved in, he and his wife separated and she filed for divorce. We had to move in with his mother for awhile and then he finally got us our own place. Then it really really got bad.

He molested me and beat me for years. I have never in my life been so terrified of another human being. But, on the other hand, he was my father and I loved him. My brain was so confused and so overwhelmed. He molested me every singe day for years and beat me so badly at times that I would have to stay in the house for days, in fear that someone would see me and wonder what had happened to my face. I had to miss school to keep people from finding out.

He once stuck a gun to my head and played Russian roulette. I've had a knife held to my throat, my clothes ripped off of me, and been molested more times than I could ever count, yet I was too scared to turn him in. I lied to cover for him. My face was once so badly beaten that I lied and told everyone that I was building my brothers and sister a tree house and I fell out on my face.

I finally got brave enough to leave one day and I really thought that it was over. Nope, no such luck. He stalked me. He called me and threatened me. I was still very much afraid of him. Then one night, I did it, I turned him in. I told my story to the police and I finally got it off of my chest. I never even had to step into the courtroom. I thought that I was finally free. The only problem was, that my brain was in overdrive. I felt guilty. Yes, I felt guilty for what HE had done to me. I blamed myself and I was ashamed. He was charged with sexual misconduct of a minor-incest and was given 10 yrs probation.

I spent many months in counselling and many years trying to learn to take control of my own life. I no longer carry that guilt. It is all his. He robbed me of very important years in my life. He took my innocence and he kept me from my family. It took me a long time to come to that conclusion, but with counselling and by the grace of God, I made it thought it.

Then in November of 2006 he got off of probation. My little brother and sister kept pressuring me to talk to him again. They told me how he had changed and how he was living for God now and that all of that other stuff was behind him and he took full responsibility for his actions. So finally, I did it. First I wrote him a letter. I poured out my heart to him. And then I set up a meeting with a mediator. I told him face to face how he had destroyed years of my life and how I had taken it back and that I was no longer afraid of him and would NEVER be afraid of him again.

He sat there and took everything that I had to say in. He weeped and cried and told me how sorry he was and how it really hurt for him to hear me talk to him that way. He said that it was so hard to hear the things he had done and how he had taken so much away from me. I think he was sincere but I can't be certain. I talked to him several times after that on the phone. And then one day, it was there again, the fear. All of those memories came rushing back into my head and I found myself feeling very afraid again. I don't like that feeling and it took me a really long time to heal. So, I never called him again and thank goodness he never called me again either.

Part of me hates him and then there is a part of me that doesn't. He is the man that helped to create me. His blood runs through my veins. I don't even know how to explain it and Hubs thinks I am nuts for not wanting to kill him.

Now she is pushing me again. Wanting me to talk to him and give him a chance. I just don't think that I can do it. A part of me wants to but a part of me never wants to hear his voice again. The sad part is, if I don't have contact with him, I fear that I will lose my little sister too. Not that we are close, because we are not, but she loves him dearly and defends him to the bitter end. Why won't they just leave me alone? I have enough to deal with without the added stress.

Sunday, December 2, 2007

Canton Here We Come

The weather has been beautiful that last few days, sunny and in the 70's. This is the last, first weekend of the year so I talked Hubs into going to Canton tomorrow. I haven't been to Canton since I was pregnant. It is one of, if not the largest Flea Market in the USA. Hundred's of acres of stuff. If you are into crafts, thrifts, or just plain want to see something different and unique, then Canton is the place. They are open the first weekend of every month and thousands of people travel from all over to go there. You can't see it all in one day but if you use your time wisely you can see most of it.
There isn't any one particular thing I am looking for this weekend. I just want to look and see if there is anything that I would like to buy for the new house. The last time I was there I saw the coolest baseball stuff that I could use for Bubba's room. Lamps, beds, tables, and chairs all made out of old baseball bats. I have been saving some of his old bats and maybe, just maybe, I will be inspired to start a project for his room.
I sure hope Sister is in the riding mood. Canton is only about an hour and a half away from us so the travel time isn't bad but she will be in the stroller for several hours tomorrow. Lots and lots of walking. I will be sure and take the Moby too, just in case she gets tired of the stroller. Bubba isn't too excited about going because it is lots of walking and I guess it could be somewhat boring for a boy that would rather be out in the yard playing ball. If he's a good sport her may just score some goodies tomorrow.

Tuesday, November 27, 2007

Poor Baby

Sister has had a runny nose for a few days now and it doesn't seem to be getting better. I have been running the cool mist humidifier, using the Vapor Bath, Little Noses every few hours, and the all too wonderful boogy sucker. She hates having her nose wiped and she turns her head and screams now every time she sees the boogy sucker. I would be sick 10 times over if I could just make her feel better. I hate for one of my kids to be sick. It just breaks my heart.

Bubba is having trouble in school and I am at a loss as to what to do for him. He is so smart and could be doing so much better than what he is. I know that his life has changed dramatically and all but he swears that having a new baby at home isn't the problem. He was the one and only for 9 years and I know that deep down it has to bother him to come extent even though he says it doesn't. I just don't know what to do for him.
His grades aren't bad, not for the average student, but Bubba isn't the average student. If he were doing his best and I knew in my heart that he was doing the best that he could do, I wouldn't mind the "average" grades so much. But, I know Bubba and I know that he isn't putting forth half the effort that he could. He is going through a stage where he thinks he is "cool." He is the youngest kid in the 5Th grade because he is a year ahead of what he is supposed to be and he has become quite the popular kid. He has really taken a liking to his new popularity and I think he is more interested in being the "cool kid" instead of being the "smart kid." I have tried to explain to him that he can be both of those kids at the same time.
I know I put a lot of pressure on him but I just want what is best for him and I want him to succeed in whatever his heart desires. I just don't know if I am pushing him too hard. Do I just let him do a half hearted job and get by middle of the road or do I push him and challenge him to do the best he can do? He used to be such a perfectionist with his work and really care what he made. Now, it seems like he could care less. The only reason he even gives a rats rip is because he knows that he will get in trouble if it gets too bad. I just don't know what to do.

I told him that he couldn't play basketball until the half way mark of this 6 wks and we will see what his grades are. He has cried and begged but I am stinking to it. It would completely break my heart for him not to play but I have to get his attention somehow right? Gah, this parenting thing is tough stuff!

Monday, November 26, 2007

Home Again Home Again

Wowzers, that was one horrible trip home. Blizzards, rain storms, traffic jams, and one really unhappy baby. Twelve hours on the road is just too long. We had a great time in Midland and really enjoyed our visit, but I will not be going back any time soon. I just can't handle that drive and I just find it totally unnecessary to put myself or my kids through that trip. It is much easier for them to come here, and they usually do, it is just the two of them and they can handle the drive much better than me and my kiddos. Besides, they have been making that trip for over 30 years.

Bubba got to play in the snow! He had the best time ever! Snowball fights, snow angels, and snowmen, he was in heaven. That is really the first time he has seen that kind of snow. He had a blast and it made the hole trip worth it. I took a bazillion pics and I caught some really great shots of them. I can't wait to get them loaded onto the computer so I can see them up close.

Our new house is sitting here waiting for us to get busy and get moved in. We have a lot of work to do before that can happen so we really need to get on it asap. I need to call the electric company today, gotta get the phone line ran, the septic system dug, the walls painted like I want, and furniture, oye. I want to move in today but I know it will be a process. Just knowing that we will be getting out of this cramped little space makes me happy.

New house, new camera, healthy children and a great husband, what more could a girl ask for? I am sure I could find something, hehe. **smooch**

Saturday, November 24, 2007

Let It Snow

We are still in Midland, and crap it is cold. It snowed the first day we were here and Bubba had a blast. It wasn't much and it didn't stay long but it is supposed to snow about 5-8 inches tonight so we may just wake up to a white ground. I don't like the cold and I am really ready to go home but I would love for Bubba to be able to build a snowman before we leave. That would totally make his weekend even more special.
We have had a good time and things have went smoothly but I am homesick. I am dreading that 9 hour drive tomorrow but it will be so sweet once we get back to where there are trees.

To update on my last post: I went by and seen "step-mom". She called as I was leaving town the other day. I took Sister by there and let her see her, my dad has been good to me and I really want to make things as easy for him as possible, so I did my part. It was really weird though. I will never feel the same about her again and I will never let myself nor my kids get close enough to her again to get hurt. She just acted like nothing had ever happened and I just don't work like that. My dad came in while I was there and I could tell that it really made him happy and took a lot of tension off of him, so for that, I am glad I went by. For my dad's sake, I hope they work things out, but as far as me and my kids are concerned, we will keep our distance.

Monday, November 19, 2007

I Do Not Understand Her

Over a month ago she refused my apology. Today she emails me and invites us to Thanksgiving dinner at her sisters house. Is she on crack? I swear, she is the strangest person I have ever met. We will not be here for Thanksgiving, so I don't have to worry about turning her down because my dad knows that we have had plans to go out of town for quite some time. I give her the power to hurt me and my children again? She is so on again off again and my kids deserve better than that. She hasn't spoken to Bubba since March. Because she was mad at me, she didn't come to his birthday party, didn't call him and wish him happy birthday, ignored his many, many voice mails. How juvenile is she to punish and innocent child because she is upset with me? He is just a kid, he did NOTHING wrong, yet she hasn't had anything to do with him because of me. She has been his MeMe since the day he was born. He loves her and doesn't understand why she won't call him back or come see him play ball.

Should I really set my kids up for that again? She has emailed so now she is trying to mend things I guess but I don't know if I am ready. I tried apologizing a month or so ago and she shot me down so I pretty much decided that I was done with her. I actually apologized for something that I didn't even feel like I did wrong, but to make things easier for my dad, I tried to make amends.

She has never even seen Sister. Didn't come to the shower, didn't come to the hospital when I had her, and has never once even attempted to see her. Gah, what do I do? She and I were so close at one time. She really helped me through some tough times, like when my mom died, my divorce. I don't know what to do. I guess the best thing I can do is leave the matter in God's hands and let Him take control.

Why does life have to be so hard? Why can't everyone just get along and love one another? Life is too short!

Sunday, November 18, 2007

Deer Slayer, Ah, Not So Much

Hubs took Bubba to sight the guns in yesterday. He was really proud of Bubba. He was within an inch or two on every shot. Wow, that is pretty good for a 9 year old right? Last night I lay his clothes out and have all of his things ready for the two of them to go hunting this morning. He was so excited that he could barely sleep. About 8:00 a.m. I heard the shot. Oh boy, my baby boy has killed his first deer. I was so excited, waiting in anticipation for them to call and tell me how big it was. I waited, and I waited, and I waited. Finally, the call came. Did you hear Bubba shoot, YES YES, What did he kill, Um, he missed it. No way! I was heartbroken for him. Hubs says they are going to stay awhile longer and see if they can get a shot on anything else.

Oh boy, I heard it again. He shot! Surely he got it this time. Yay! Just a few minutes pass by and the phone rang. I yell, yay, what did he get dad? Um, he missed again. It was a HUGE buck, the grandaddy of all deer, and he missed him. What? How could he miss TWO deer in the same day? My heart sunk because I knew that he would be heartbroken.

Hubs said that they looked and looked for blood because he just couldn't believe that he missed it. But, they found nothing. My poor boy missed twice today. Now he is heartbroken and not sure if he ever wants to go again. He is feeling pretty down and has been pouting most of the afternoon.

Hubs spared him the humiliation of cutting his shirt tail off, that is the tradition, when you miss a dear. Besides, hubs knows that if he cuts his shirt tail off, he will have to be the one to replace it.

I hope my boy doesn't give up. And I hope that Hubs doesn't give up on him. I want him to get his first deer so badly. Maybe they will go again this evening and maybe, just maybe, he will redeem himself as The Deer Slayer.

Thursday, November 15, 2007

Stupid photographer, oye!

I took the kids to have their Christmas pics made today. Sister was in a great mood, smiling and laughing, the perfect time to take photos. I had the perfect outfit picked out for both of them and was so excited about getting their pics taken. Bubba looked so handsome in his sweater vest and tie. Sister, with her plaid dress and little red beret. I just knew that we were going to have the "perfect" pics today.
The lady that was to take their photos was really nice and seemed excited and anxious to get started. We picked out our backgrounds and were on our way. She got Bubba set and ready to hold Sister, everything was going well. Sister was in my arms smiling and cooing away. Then the phone rang. She stopped to answer the phone and chit chat with her friend. Then as we get set and ready to go again, another customer comes in to pick up their photos. She went and waited on them and sent them on their way.
I am thinking to myself, this baby is not going to stay happy all day. Yep, I was right. This "photographer" (and I use the word lighty) was a complete idiot. She could not take a decent photo if someone took it for her. She kept readjusting Bubba. Tried to sit Sister up by herself, (when she is clearly not able to do that yet.) Nope, that isn't going to work, let's try this, nope, how about this? Is there any certain pose that you have in mind? Damn woman, I am not the photographer here, you are. After about 45 minutes of her readjusting and rearranging, Sister had had enough. She was done for!
We left there with not one decent photo. Now I have to go though this all over again. Why can't they hire decent people to work at these places? Any decent photographer should know that if you have a smiling cooperative baby you better take advantage of it while you can.
I really wanted to get those photos taken today. I really wanted to have that behind me. I need to get started on Christmas cards and have one less thing to worry about over the next few weeks. But no, stupid, worthless "photographer."
I can't wait to get my new camera. I will take my own dang photos and to heck with those idiots at the studio.
Looks like we will be heading back to the studio on Monday to give it another shot. GGGrrrrrrr!

Sunday, November 11, 2007

Las Vegas Baby!

Bright lights, limousines, screeching cabs, clanking machines, and loud music. That is the sounds and sights of Las Vegas! $80 bucks for the hair, $65 for the nails, nerves and excitement, as I waited for the limo to come pick us up. We were getting married. Long lines at the courthouse to get a license and finally, we are on our way to the chapel. It went smoothly, we took our photos and said our I do's, we were happy, in-love, and ready for the world. We went back to the room to gather a few things and set out for an evening on the town.

I had to make a couple of phone calls before we left for the evening so that everyone would know that we were "hitched." I called his parents first, we had spoken to them just minutes before we went down to get in the limo and they were SO excited and made us promise to call the minute we got back for the "ceremony." When I got his mom on the phone, I knew something wasn't quite right, the sadness in her voice was not what I was expecting. I think I knew the instant I heard her speak the first word but I was hoping beyond all hope that it wasn't true. I asked her what was wrong, she kept telling me nothing, I repeated again and finally, she caved, he had passed away. My FIL had literally taken his last breath at the exact time that DH and I were saying our I do's.

It was his dying wish for us to get married and I am so glad that we granted his last wish. It was really hard telling my husband, that I had just married minutes before, that his father had passed away. He we were, thousands of miles from home, and his dad had passed on. We tried to get an emergency flight home but everyone insisted that we stay. His father wanted us to get married, wanted us to have a great time, and would have wanted us to stay, so we did. They would plan the funeral around our plans, it would really only be holding things off for one day. We would cry a little, go out on the town awhile, come back and cry a little, and then leave again. We tried really hard to make the best of it and enjoy ourselves in his honor, but wow, it was tough.

That was 6 years ago today. It is really hard to explain the emotions of today. On one hand, it is the day I married my husband, the man I intend on spending the rest of my life with, on the other hand, it is the day that I lost my fil. Happy, yet sad too. And no one, I mean no one, in the family, ever remembers that it is our anniversary, it is always the day that Josh died.

However, I won't be sitting around the house today, moping or thinking about it, I am going to the ballpark, my second home, to watch Bubba play his last tournament of the season. He played two great games yesterday. He pitched 2 innings, struck out 3 batters, picked a man off of second, got 3 hits, stole 2 bases and scored 2 runs. I am so proud of him. He is a natural athlete and enjoys every minute he spends on the field.

Our fish even at Pearland went off without a hitch yesterday. Sister was the BEST baby ever. She was a perfect little angel. I was so worried that it was going to be tough on us and that she would be fussy or whiny. Nope, not a peep out of her. She sat in the stroller awhile and just watched everyone, then I strapped her in the Moby for awhile, where she was perfectly content. I fed her about half way through the day and changed her diaper and then all was well. Overall, it was a great event, we made a good chunk of change, and everyone was happy. Yay!

Friday, November 9, 2007

Big fish event this weekend

I must admit that I am a little nervous about this weekend. We do these types of events all of the time but they threw a little something extra on us this time. We will make a good chunk of change this weekend and I just want it to go smoothly so that we keep their business. The event is only 4 hours but that can seem like an eternity during these events sometimes.

I really hope that Sister does okay. I am hoping that she naps during most of it. It sure would make it easier on everyone if she does. I am really going to miss Bubba being there this weekend. He is such a BIG help to us. I don't know how we ever did it without his help.

We will be back late Saturday night so we will get to see Bubba play ball on Sunday. It is his last tournament of the season. This is the first time ever that I haven't coached his team. I just HAD to take a break once Sister was born. I will be jumping into coaching basketball again in a few weeks and then I will coach baseball again in the spring. I think it has done him some good to be coached by someone else for a change.

Bubba is required to be in band this year and he is playing the Alto Saxaphone. He is required to practice at least 2 1/2 hours each week. When in the world are we going to find the time? I honestly don't know how people with more than one child involved in extra curricular activities does it. Maybe that is why God put so many years between my two.

Tuesday, November 6, 2007

Coming out of this funk

Things are really starting to look up around here. We are not building our Dream Home just yet but we are buying a bigger house. We have lived in this itty, bitty, cluttered hole for far too long and it is time for a change. I am so excited about moving and I am using this new home as a new beginning for all of us. I have been in this funk long enough and my children deserve ALL of me. I have vowed to get up off of my butt and do something about it. No more feeling sorry for myself and pouting. I am a strong woman and it is high time I get up and show it.

I am so excited about painting and decorating. I have been looking and searching, trying to find the perfect colors for every room. I can't wait to get started. Bubba wants his room decorated in all sports stuff, mostly baseball of course. He has started himself a wishlist for Christmas and almost everything on it is stuff for his room. Baseball clocks and baseball rugs and baseball pillows and baseball posters and baseball lamps, sheesh, the kid is going to turn into a baseball. I am so happy for him, he deserves a great room that he can be proud of.

DH and Bubba worked all weekend on the water line. They had to lay 240 yrds. of pipe. We have to get water ready for the new house. Bubba wasn't really thrilled about doing it but he ended up having a pretty good time. DH taught him how to drive the Ditch Witch and he thought that was pretty cool. It was 86 degrees here this weekend so they got a little warm while they were working but I just kept reminding them of the benefits. It is good for them to spend time together like that. They need that bonding.

Saturday, November 3, 2007

A year already?

Wow, how time flies. Today is the one year anniversary of my Popa. He is the one that I thought would live forever. He was a man of steel. Never sick and always happy. I miss him so much! It is so hard to believe that he is gone.

Popa, so many images come to mind whenever I speak your name.
Like the times when I was just a child and we danced in the rain.
Throughout the years you've always been a wonderful man you see.
When I was small you took the time to bounce me on your knee.
It seems like only yesterday you wiped away my tears,
And late at night I called your name to chase away my fears.
You were the one who sang to me and whispered nighty night,
As you tucked me in the bed and pulled the covers tight.
I will never forget the good old days when I was just a child,
When my life was consumed in you, in your love, and in your smile.
I will forever cherish all the times when I always looked to you,
No matter what happened in my life, you could make my gray skies blue.
Oh Popa, if I could turn back time and once more hear your voice,
I would tell you that out of all the world, you would still be my choice.
Please always know I love you and no one can ever take your place.
Years may come and go but your memory will never be erased.
God saw you getting tired, a cure was not to be,
So he put His arms around you and whispered, "Come with me."
I sadly watched you suffer and saw you fade away.
Although I loved you dearly, I could not make you stay.
A golden heart stopped beating, hard working hands laid to rest.
Your love is forever in my heart, Popa, you truly were the best.
Today Jesus as You are listening in Your home above,
Please go find my Popa and give him all my love.
I love you Popa, and I will FOREVER be your girl!

Monday, October 29, 2007

Long Weekend

Wow, what a weekend.
Friday night we took the kids to the Zoo Boo. There were so many people there. We entered Sister in the costume contest but didn't stay and find out the results. There were 96 contestants in the 0-4 age group and it was getting late so we had to leave. Bubba had a good time playing all of the games and getting candy. They had the Zoo decorated up nicely and it was fun for the kids so it was all worth it.

Saturday night Bubba had his last fall ball games. He had a double header against the Mustangs. They won their first game 15-0 and the second game 9-1. The little team that we were playing was not very good. Bubba played well, was happy that they won but a little disappointed that he didn't get to pitch. He was scheduled to pitch the last inning but time ran out. I tried to explain to him that the coach didn't pitch him because he is really good and the team they were playing was not. Therefore there was no need to pitch your best pitcher and rub the victory in even more. He understood but was still a little disappointed. He has a tournament coming up in a couple of weeks and he will get in plenty of pitching during the tournament.

Yesterday I attempted to take Sister's pic "in" a pumpkin. I should have known better. She HATES pumpkins! A couple of weeks ago when we took her to the pumpkin patch she refused to smile, well, same thing yesterday. She would NOT smile and eventually began to scream until we "let her out." I got a couple of decent pics but not the be toothless grin shots that I was hoping for. Maybe next year she will cooperate more, nah, I doubt it.

Friday, October 26, 2007

A better place

He woke up early, to get ready for school, as any other day. Only this day, he awoke with a headache. He told his mother that he didn't feel well and didn't want to go to school, usually something he loved to do. She took the other two kids to school and at his request purchased him an Icee from the convenient store. He drank his Icee, laid his head in his mother's lap and left this world to go to a better place.
Levi was born June 23, 1983 and died October 26, 2000. There was a very dismal prognosis for Levi from the beginning, but by the Grace of God, Levi lived to rise above the limits of his physical abilities. Levi always had something good to say to everyone he met. This is especially important due to the fact that Levi was born without a brain, only a brain stem; but God supplied. The doctors said that he did not have the muscular capability to ever walk, so Levi scooted everywhere he went. At around 7 years old, one day Levi got up and walked; God supplied. God healed his spine and did many miracles during Levi's life. Sometimes miracles come quickly and sometimes they come with patience over a period of time.
It was an honor to have lost our own identities and be known as Levi's family. Levi did not even know his times tables, something he thought you needed to know to be smart; but Levi had deep discernment into the weightier issues of life that really matter, and touched all who knew him.
I miss you little brother but I know that you are in a much better place. I know that you have a new body and you have a new life and I will look for you come resurrection day.
I love you Levi!

Friday, October 19, 2007


I am tired, and worn out. I need a break.
That is all.

Thursday, October 18, 2007

Cold Dark Room

While I lay on a bed in a cold, dark hospital room, all alone and scared, not knowing what the future would hold, or how I would go on, listening to the machines, praying for a miracle and hoping beyone all hope that I was having a bad dream, my best friend, the very woman that gave me life, took her last breath. Time of death 7:20 a.m.
The cancer beat her. It took her from me and from my family. How could this be real? The doctors told us we had two years, it had only been 3 months. How could she leave me? How could she leave her grandchildren? Why oh why would she go?

As I stood there looking at her lifeless body, shrivled and frail, not a hair on her head, I wondered how I was going to tell my brother and sister. I was all alone and hurting deeply but I had to be strong. I was the oldest and I had promised to take care of them. How could I tell them that their mother was gone? How would I tell them that cancer had won? Where would I find the strength? I felt as though my heart had been ripped right out of my chest. I was numb.

First it was my little sister. She was a young mother that had leaned on our mom her entire life. She had never stood on her own two feet and looked to her for guidance and support. How was I to tell her that her rock was gone? I didn't want to do it. I didn't want her to feel the pain that I was feeling but I had to tell her. She was so stubborn and in such denial and I had no choice but to tell her over the phone. I will never forget the sounds that came from her as she weeped and whaled as I broke the news. She made it to the hospital in record time, ran into the room and grabbed her and hugged her, begging her to come back to us. My heart broke all over again.

Then there was my baby brother. He was only 18, just a boy, a mommas boy. He had not left her side for days and I begged him to leave and go get some rest. Now I had to go tell him that she was gone. My daddy accompanied me to the house where my little brother was sleeping. As he walked out of that bedroom, he knew. He screamed and yelled and asked God why. It was the hardest thing I have ever had to do in my life. He blamed himself for leaving, he blamed God for taking her, he was a lost little boy and all he wanted was his mommy.

That was 8 years ago today. I will never forget that day. It is burned into my brain. Our lives changed that day and will never be the same. I not only lost my mom and my best friend that day, I also lost a part of myself. She was only 42 years old and had so much to live for. I will never understand why she left us. Why God didn't heal her or why there is no cure for cancer.

What I wouldn't give for one more day. To hear her voice one last time. If I could hug her one last time I would never let her go. I miss my mommy as much today as I did 8 years ago, maybe even more. There is so much that I want to tell her and so much that I want to ask her. There is so much that I want her to see. I want her to see her beautiful grandchildren and how wonderful they are. I just want my mommy!

Tuesday, October 16, 2007

I am done!

For months now I have wondered why my step-mom wasn't speaking to me. Weeks before the baby shower we were talking and getting along fine. We have always been pretty close. She was there for me when I lost my mom 8 years ago and has always been what I would consider a friend.
When she failed to show up to my baby shower I was puzzled. Then when Sister was born she did not accompany my dad to the hospital to see us. Three weeks later we celebrated Bubba's birthday and yet again she did not show up. I called and left messages only to be ignored. I just couldn't figure it out.
September 1st was our family reunion and yet again, she was a no show. I was clueless as to why she was avoiding me, and then the phone call came.
My dad called and asked what was going on between us. I told him that I honestly had NO CLUE. He filled me in on some problems they had been having and asked me if I would try to talk to her. So I did. I tried. I called her house, her cell, and even her job. She was giving me the cold shoulder and would not answer the phone.
I finally dragged it out of my SIL. Her feelings were hurt because of my baby registry. WHAT? How could this be it?
When I registered at BRU I failed to list her as a grandparent. I did NOT puposely do this. Honestly, I didn't even list my own mother or DH's father. I only listed my dad and my MIL. I didn't do this to hurt anyone, I honestly never even put a second thought into it. I just felt like there was no need in listing all of the grandparent stuff. It was not a secret ploy to hurt anyone's feelings I can assure you.
So, being the bigger person, and wanting to make things right (even though I honestly felt that I had done nothing wrong) I emailed her and apologized. I wrote a very long and detailed letter and told her how sorry I was that her feelings had been hurt and that I NEVER meant for that to happen. I told her how we all missed her and wanted her in our lives. I even explained to her that Bubba was hurt and didn't understand why his MeMe was avoiding HIM. I practically begged for her forgiveness and wanted us to be "friends" again and let this all go.
Her response was NOT what I expected.
Basically, she said that she was hurt, she thinks that I did it on purpose and she is NOT going to forgive me and she said absolutely NOTHING about the way she has avoided Bubba and Sister. I am DONE with her! Life is too short to live like that. I honestly tried to make things right and she basically slapped me in the face so, I am done.
I explained it all to my dad and he totally agreed that I should just leave her alone. I don't think they are going to make it much longer and it is really sad. I really hate it for his sake but if she is going to be an idiot then he doesn't need her.

Monday, October 15, 2007

Trip to Midland

It was a long drive and the view wasn't so pretty but the stay was nice. SIL has a beautiful house and she was a great hostess. The boys went hunting and did their thing while SIL, Sister, and I went shopping and sight seeing. It was really nice to get away for a few days.
Bubba got to kill a snake and it made his day. We saw two rattlers while we were there and that made me none too happy. I am not a fan of snakes, they truly give me the creeps.
The pumpkin patch was not Sister's favorite place to be. I am not sure if it was the sun, the wind, or the smell of pumpkins but she refused to smile. We tried on Thursday and Friday and she just did NOT want to smile. I got a couple of decent shots of Bubba but once I got home and looked, I spent way too much time taking pics of Sister and not nearly enough time with Bubba. I have really got to do better. He is a great kid.
DH mentioned something about going back for Thanksgiving, I am not sure how I feel about that. The drive is a killer but at least it will be cooler and maybe the snakes will be in hiding.

Saturday, September 22, 2007

Just let it go

Why can't I just let it go? I hate that I hold on to hurt for so long. I truly have a wonderful MIL but she hurt me deeply and I can't get over it no matter how hard I try. First, she talked about how "fat" I was during my entire pregnancy and then once Sister got here she talked about me behind my back and questioned my parenting skills. At least that is the way I took it. It really hurt me and now, no matter how hard I try, I just can't feel the same about her anymore. I know that she means well and she would do anything in this world to make it right but I can't help it. I really have to learn to forgive. The Bible says that we have to forgive in order to be forgiven. God, please help me with that.
I don't deal with pain well. I have been hurt so many times by so many different people. I put up a wall and tend to not let people in and once I do and they hurt me I can't let it go. I hate that about me. I feel like no one really knows the "real" me. I get tired of pretending that I am this strong person that can handle anything thrown my way. Deep down inside, where no one ever sees, I am in pain.
The 8th year of my mother's death is approaching and it is affecting me already. I dread that day and I try to hide the fact that it is ripping my heart out. I have held so much hurt and anger inside for so long that one day it will have to come out. I know that part of the healing will have to take place within myself and I am not sure how to begin.
I guess I am just feeling a little sorry for myself. I will get over it, put on my happy face and start tomorrow as a new day.

Wednesday, September 19, 2007


Was he really being sweet and congratulating me or was he fishing for information? I may never know the answer to that question. He and I always did get along and he was so totally different from anyone else in the family but it has been so long and so much has happened since then. I have been out of the family for over 7 years and haven't heard from him in over 5 yrs. Is it possible that he was just being nice and concerned or is there an ulterior motive?

The phone rang on Monday afternoon and a voice on the other end says my name. I knew I recognized the voice but couldn't put my finger on it right away. After he spoke my name the second time I knew who he was. It was my ex-bil. He had heard about Sister and was calling to congratulate me. He asked about my pregnancy and the delivery and how she was doing and all. He told me that he had become a grandfather and how well his boys were doing.

Then came the questions. How is Bubba doing? How tall is he now? Is his hair still blonde? Who does he look like? I answered his questions without providing too much information but I was a little reluctant. I am not sure if he really wanted to know, afterall, he is his biological uncle, or if he was fishing for information for SD.

He told me that SD was off of drugs and had a good job but that he still didn't trust him and doesn't have a lot to do with him, which honestly, he never really did. Whether he is fishing or whether he was sincere, I dunno, but it has really put me on guard now. I hope and pray that he was genuinely concerned and the phone call was nothing more than a friendly call to say congrats and not a way to get information to SD. I was very careful in what I said and I even put a few little extra things out there just in case he was reporting to SD.

Saturday, September 8, 2007

Little sister

What is wrong with her? How could we possibly be from the same mother? She has serios issues! I only hear from her a few times a year, usually when she wants something. A couple of months ago she calls me and tells me that she has ovarian cancer and that she could possibly have cervical cancer too. I worry and I pray, asking God to spare her for the sake of her children. Now, I am not so sure she has ANY kind of cancer. I know that she has female problems but I honestly think that she made up the "cancer" to get attention. She goes months without calling, never has a way for me to get in touch with her, and completely disrupts my life.
Her husband is white trash, can't hold a job, beats the crap out of her, and doesn't deserve to breath the same air as I do. So she calls me to tell me that he has threatened to shoot her if she leaves him and begs me to keep her son and hide him. WTF? Does she not realize that she has cried wolf one too many times? While I know that the sorry S.O.B. is insane, I know my sister is a douche bag too. The only thing I know for certain of her is that if her lips are moving, she is lieing.
I know that she is going to call on me one day and "really" need me and I will not come running and I will probably regret it but what do I do? Keep letting her use me and abuse me? She needs serious help!
It makes me seriously sad for her and her children and it makes me so mad that my mom died and left us. It just isn't fair! I promised my mother that I would take care of my brother and sister but does that mean that I have to put up with her lies and acts of selfishness?
Her little boy is only 5 years old and knows more cuss words than I do. Her daughter is 10 and hasn't seen her mother in over a year. What is wrong with her? Will she ever grow up? I wonder if she knows or even cares how what she does affects others? Sheesh! Could I have another sister please?

Tuesday, September 4, 2007

Will it ever go away?

The weight that is. I have really struggled with being depressed over the last couple of months. I feel guilty that I feel depressed. Does that even make sense? I was so sure that after I had the baby I would lose all of this weight and be back in my "normal" clothes in no time. Well, that hasn't happened. I still look pregnant and it is depressing. I have never had a weight issue in my life and I hate it. I got on the scales this weekend and I have gained 5 lbs since I left the hospital. What is up with that?
It is a vicious cycle. I get depressed because I am fat, I eat because I am depressed, then I get fatter. How do I get off of this roller coaster? I am really tired of pretending that I am okay!

Thursday, August 30, 2007

Broken heart

MIL had a biopsy done on a nodule that was found on her thyroid. (It is benign) So DH's sister came home for a few days. I love her to pieces. She was never able to have children so she takes extra special interest in the nephews and now Sister too. Toonsit, dh's sister, has wanted us to have a girl for so long and now that we finally have one, she is ecstatic.
She mails stuff to Bubba all the time and has now started mailing to Sister too. She gave her her first diamond a few weeks ago.

She had to go back home today so we went and ate dinner with them last night. She really broke my heart! She loves Sister so much already. She was holding her and talking to her and Sister was cooing and smiling back. It was so sweet! She didn't know that anyone was watching or listening. She was telling her how much she loved her and how she was going to buy her a pretty dress for Christmas, and then she had big tears in her eyes as she says, "Don't you forget me okay." It absolutely broke my heart. She would have made such a good mother and she is such a good person. I completely don't understand why some people aren't able to have children and others are killing theirs.

Sunday, August 26, 2007

Church visitors

DH got up this morning and asked if we wanted to go visit a new church this morning. I am ashamed to admit it but Sister hadn't been to church yet. I scrounged through the closet until I finally found something that my big butt would fit into, got DH and the kids ready and off we went. When we got in the truck and headed into town we weren't sure exactly where we were going.

We ended up at a church on the loop. A fairly big church but not huge. As we pulled into the parking lot the early morning service was ending. We made it just in time for the second service. It was okay, but I am not sure we will go back. We really need to find a new church. The kiddos need to be in Sunday School. Blake goes to Sunday School at our hometown church pretty often but we are not really happy with the church here.

Once church was over we went out to eat. I had been craving pot roast from Cotton Patch. We had to wait about 20 minutes but it was well worth the wait. I heart Cotton Patch!

Not much happening around here today, just taking it easy. Bubba starts school tomorrow so we are trying to get ready for that. :( I guess Sister and I will have to start a new schedule this week. I am feeling a little anxious. Bubba is kind of ready though. He really likes both of his teachers and he is starting out with a good attitude so I am hoping and praying he has a good year.

Friday, August 24, 2007

Sneak A Peak

Last night was Sneak A Peak at Bubba's school. We had to go meet the teacher's and visit his new classroom and all of that jazz. I must say I feel a bit better about school now than I did at the end of the school year last year. Both of his teachers seem very nice and very concerned about the children. I know them both on an acquaintance type basis, if that makes sense.

I am really hoping for a good year this year and Bubba is too. We had a long talk and we are both going to try and put last school year behind us and start with a clean slate.

He is in a different home room than his best friend and I think that could ultimately end up being a good thing. Bubba and his BFF are both a year ahead of what they are supposed to be and still happen to be the top of the class, so they often end up being compared to one another and that never has a good outcome. I don't want my child compared to ANYONE, he is an individual and I want him treated as such.

I am going to miss him so bad next week. I don't know what I am going to do without him. He is my rock! I know Sister will miss him too because he holds her and plays with her so much. I am so grateful that they have had this time to bond.

My baby boy is now a 5th grader! He is growing up and I can't stand it. If I could, I would have him stay a little boy forever. Gah, why does being a mom have to hurt so bad?

Thursday, August 23, 2007

3 Months Old

Sister is 3 months old today! Wow, it seems like it was just yesterday, and then again, in a way, it seems like it has been forever since she was in my tummy. It is so amazing to see how much she has grown and how wonderful she is doing. The morning they wheeled me into the OR, I didn't know if she was even going to make it, now look at her. She is a true blessing and I thank God everyday for her.
We went and had her picture made and she wasn't exactly cooperative. She wasn't too fussy but I didn't get the exact results that I wanted. They are cute, just not great! Wal-Mart has really good deals so maybe I will take my chance in a few days and have her pics done again to see if we can at least get a smile out of her.

Bubba's PSP broke a few days ago so we took it by the Game Stop to see if they could fix it, tell us what was wrong, or whatever. They didn't know what was wrong with it and offered to buy it for $60, hhmmmm. Santa Clause paid $200 for it. I refused their offer, got home and called Sony to see what could be done. They offered NOTHING for it and offered to sell us a USED one for $99. Damn, the thing is only 8 months old and it was $200, should it last a little longer than that? Of course, they told me if I had kept my receipt they would replace it for FREE! Don't they know that Santa Clause doesn't keep receipts? Sheesh! So, I am not sure what we are going to do but I want to replace it for him because he has been soooooo much help to me and Sister and he really deserves it.

Wednesday, August 22, 2007

Ball practice anyone?

Sister has had a rough couple of days. Literally no napping at all on Monday and the same thing yesterday, well at least until we got to baseball practice. I am not sure what has been going on with her the last couple of days but it has been tough on both of us. Teething, gas, I don't know but I wish we could fix it soon.
Anyway, we got in the truck and started on our way to baseball practice about 5:30 yesterday and she fell asleep in the carseat. Once we got there, I got her out and thought for sure that she would wake up. Nope, she slept! That sweet baby slept the entire practice, with all of the boys running and yelling and the whole nine yards. She even slept for an hour after we left and went to Wally World. She got some much needed rest.

It looks like we are going to have a really good team. Bubba is really excited! He has wanted to be on a good select team for awhile and now it is finally happening. As of right now he will be the #2 pitcher and the starting 1st baseman. He got his wish for the team name too. They were originally going to be called the Sidewinders, but after Bubba nagged the coach long enough he let Bubba pick the name and he came up with Nac Nitro. I really tried to help him come up with another name but my brain has been fried for quite awhile. Their colors will be maroon and gray. Not exactly my choice but I have to remember that I am not coaching this time.

It is really hard for me not being able to coach. I absolutely love it and it is so hard sitting back and watching and not being involved. I do however plan on coaching basketball and I will coach baseball again once spring rolls around. Sister will have to get used to being lugged around in the moby, lol.

Monday, August 20, 2007

Really bad day!

My poor sweet baby girl has had an awful day! I pray that tomorrow is a better day!

Jesus Loves Me!

Jesus Loves Me, God is so Good, This Little Light of Mine, those are just a few of the songs that I sing to Sister. While we were sitting on the porch enjoying the sunlight and cool breeze, I was singing Jesus Loves Me to Sister and she sang back. It was so sweet! She was cooing and cooing while I was singing and it was the most awesome thing ever. I have got to get the battery charged up on the camcorder so I can show that to her in 10 years.

It is amazing the new things she does everyday. Because she was 7 wks early I was really worried that she would be set back a little. Maybe not do things quite as quickly as a full term baby would. So far, thank God, I have been wrong. Other than her being a little small for her age, she is right on track with everything she is supposed to be doing. And the way this child is eating, she will be caught up to her weight class in a few months.

I don't know what I did to deserve her but I sure thank God for her everyday!

Sunday, August 19, 2007

Shopping Trip

It was tax free weekend here this weekend and time to buy school clothes. Bubba wanted to go to Academy so off we went. He now has Under Armour or Nike dry-fit in just about every color. He is a happy happy boy! I gave him $175 to buy what he wanted for school clothes and he came out a champ. It was so awesome to let him pick out what he wanted and see the smile on his face. He came out with 5 shirts, 4 pairs of shorts, a pair of cleats, and a pair of nike sneakers. The boy is set for school!

We then headed to Target to get school supplies. Baby girl was not too happy with that. I managed to keep her quiet just long enough to get Bubba's supplies. 5 packages of pens? Are you kidding me? He is in the 5th grade, why on earth does he need 5 packages of pens? And 5 packages of pencils? Whatever! Oh, and grading pens? Isn't that what the teacher is for? Seriously, some of these things made no sense to me. We had already purchased a backpack and he is using the same lunch box he had last year so with us just getting the bare minimum that was on his list, it cost me $60. What do people do that don't have that to spend on school supplies? It is nuts!

Just as we got out the door of Target, baby girl let it be known that she was NOT happy! We got everything loaded in the truck and headed to Reesy's house. By the time we got there baby girl was screaming at the top of her lungs, she was HUNGRY, lol. Reesy was so glad to see her and bragged and bragged on her. We stayed about 2 hours and let Reesy spend a little time with Sister. Bubba and Pop talked baseball as usual.

We got home around 9-ish. Daddy helped us unload and Bubba had to show Daddy all of the cool stuff he got. Mommy was wore out and Sister was ready to get out of the carseat. Daddy took Sister for a few minutes and Mommy just sat out on the porch for a little while and relaxed. We had a fun day and Bubba was happy but it was really tiring for me. I am glad we are done!

Thursday, August 16, 2007

What next?

It all started the weekend of the Dallas Boat Show. We lost several hundred lbs. of fish the first weekend, the second weekend didn't go so well. All in all we lost about $2000 those two weeks. Then the well pump went out and we were out that cost. Now the clutch on the tractor is out and THAT is our lively hood.

When you are down on your luck and not so great things keep happening, some people will say that you aren't living right. I believe just the opposite. The devil has no need to attack those that already strayed from God. It is when you are living right that the devil will attack. When God is top priority in your life the devil gets scared.

We serve a loving God and I know that He will help us make it through.

Wednesday, August 15, 2007

Beautiful sound

Her daddy has a way with her that I can't explain. He is madly in-love with her and she truly adores him. He walked in as I was changing her diaper today. I had her laying on our bed and I was sitting cross legged as I talked to her. Her daddy spoke to her and she looked him in the eye and let out the sweetest out loud laugh that your ears have ever heard. The more he talked, the more she laughed. It was BEAUTIFUL!

I must admit, I was a little jealous. I am with her 24 hours a day, 7 days a week and she had never done that before. She is growing so much and so quickly. I see something new in her every day.
I don't know why God gave her to us or what we did to deserve her, but I am sure glad that he did.

It is really hard for me, not having my mom here, but deep down inside, I believe, wherever she is, she can see us. I miss her so much and it breaks my heart that my kids are missing out on knowing her. She would have been a great Nanny and they would have adored her. She was my best friend and even though my kids will never know her, they will know all about her.

Why do I even bother?

I try, I mean really try to be a good in-law, but sometimes they make it really tough. It seems like every time I am around them they are questioning my parenting skills. I am really sick of it and it is getting harder and harder to be nice.

"You aren't taking her out in this heat are you? She doesn't want to go, let us keep her. You are going to wish you hadn't started that, you will never get her out of your bed. " The list goes on and on. Why can't they just enjoy her and stfu?

And the comparing! AGgrrrrrrr, that ticks me off. They have a grandson that is 6 wks younger than Sister and they are constantly telling me what he is doing. He likes this, he likes that, he does this, he does that. Does she do this, does she do that? Enough already! And if they tell me one more time that she is spoiled, I may just rip someone's head off!!!

Sunday, August 12, 2007

Mr. Mom

Sitting around being the boring people that we are, DH suggested we cook something on the grill. I agreed that it would be a good idea and started making a grocery store list. He, being the sweetheart that he can sometimes be, volunteered to keep baby girl while I went to the store.

I had just fed her and changed her diaper, the grocery store was only 25 miles away, so I agreed. I needed a little break anyway. I asked Bubba to go with me since we never get to spend time alone anymore. We got what we needed at the grocery store and as we headed down the road, Bubba says, "Mom, want ice cream? I'll buy." Is that not the sweetest 9 yr old in the world?

I couldn't pass that up so we went thru the drive thru at Dairy Queen and we each got a dipped cone. Of course, I didn't let him buy, I took care of that. It wasn't much, we didn't do anything special, but I truly enjoyed spending time with my boy. It makes me sad to see him growing up so fast. I miss him being a toddler and being so totally dependent on me. He is growing into such a wonderful young boy and while I am happy he is such a good kid, I am sad that he is no longer a baby boy anymore.

As we pulled up in the driveway, DH and Sister, stood there on the porch waiting for us. It was the cutest thing I had ever seen. He is truly in love with her and I find it so heart warming. He had given her a sponge bath and changed her clothes. He had even put lotion on her to make her smell good. He is a really good daddy and we are so lucky to have him in our lives. Sometimes I want to hang him upside down but for the most part, he is pretty ok.

Ribs and chicken quarters got put on the grill last night, today it will be brisket. He is no master chef but he can hold his own. We won't go hungry, that is for sure. I think I may just keep him!

Saturday, August 11, 2007

In the Beginning

Well, I finally did it. I joined the blog world. I worry that this may become another addiction. I talk a lot so I know that I can write a lot. And being that I am somewhat stuck in the house with an infant, I am sure I can find all kinds of boring stuff to write about.

I guess I could start with, dang it is HOT! I have been stuck in this house for months now. Not able to get outside and play ball with my boy. DH came home early today so I thought that I would take advantage and go outside and play catch with Bubba. We lasted about 15 minutes. It is so scorching hot and so humid you can't breath. We had to come in. My out of shape butt couldn't handle the heat any longer.

It wasn't until after I had baby girl that I realized how much my life would change. I knew things were going to be different and I knew what having a baby was all about but what I didn't know was just how much. I love her to pieces and I wouldn't trade her for anything in the world, but oh how I miss my freedom. There is just so much that I can't do anymore. I know it sounds like I am complaining, but I'm really not. I could do more, if I could leave her with someone else. I am just not ready for that yet. I left her with her daddy once for 2 hours while I went to Wal-Mart and it drove me nuts.

I miss getting out in the yard and playing ball with Bubba. We haven't had much mom and son time since Sister got here. Today, while we were outside playing catch, I realized how he must miss it too. Before baby girl got here, we used to play catch almost everyday. Even when I was pregnant, I would get outside and play with him. He has been so good about it though. He has been the best big brother a girl could ever ask for. He helps me with her so much. He prayed so long for a baby and now that he finally had his prayer answered he is on cloud nine. Not once has he complained. He has helped me with dishes, laundry, even holding and caring for his sister while I take care of household things. I love that boy so much!

I have got to find time in the very near future to do something special with him, just he and I. He had my undivided attention for almost 9 years and he has taken a back burner for the last 2 and a half months. I think I am going to go tell him how special he is and how proud I am of him for not complaining and for helping me so much. My boy is truly an awesome kid!