I'm still here

I seem to have abandoned my poor blog lately. A lot has happened in the last month. My family of 4 is now a family of 5. I now have two beautiful girls to love and a handsome boy. Bubba and his team won the State Championship!! Dr. visits and dentist appointments. Getting ready for back to school. My list goes on and on. I think I am finally adjusting to having two "babies." Yes, Sister is now a toddler but she's still a baby too. She's doing well but the terrible two's are upon us. Thumper is amazing! She's my mini-me. I'm having a little, okay a lot, of trouble getting her to take a bottle. I have tried four different kinds so far and she won't have any of them. I NEED her to take one every now and then. I love nursing her but momma needs a break from time to time. At this point I don't know if she will ever take a bottle. I am going to meet with a consultant next week and maybe, just maybe she'll have a pointer or two. Bubba has another tournament this weekend so I have lots to do but I promise to try and do better with the blog. Gotta go for now, there's a beautiful blue eyed baby waiting for momma to feed her! :-)

I'm ready

Well, as ready as I'm gonna get anyway. I made it! It's bittersweet! It went by so fast and I wish that I had more time but I don't, therefore I'm ready. The heat is getting to me. My body is swelling and I'm miserable. Fingers and toes feel like sausages and it's getting hard to walk without a serious waddle.
The never ending comments, they are old. I take Bubba to baseball practice 4 days a week and every single time we go someone has to ask, "Haven't had that baby yet?" I'd really like to come back with something snarky and mean but I just smile and go on. People really don't mean anything by it, they just don't think before they speak.

The next few weeks are going to be really hard. Hard on all of us. Bubba is right in the middle of All-Stars. His District tournament starts this Friday. If they play well then they should make it all the way to the championship game. Well, that game, it's on Tuesday, the day I'm scheduled for my c-section. It really makes me sad that I'll have to miss Bubba's big day. I've only missed about 3 baseball games in his entire life and to have to miss the District Championship is heartbreaking. I'm ready for Thumper to arrive but the timing in all of it stinks. Then if/when they win the District Championship they will go on to state in a couple of weeks. It's a little further away in a bigger town. I'll get broke in good doing my travels for the first time with three kiddos. By the end of July it will all be over. Thumper will be here, All-Stars will be over, and maybe, just maybe, I can settle down and breath a bit before it's time for Bubba to go back to school.

I need a vacation!!!

The Final Countdown

It looks like we've made it, look how far we've come my baby! I'm just full of lyrics today, lol. It's a great feeling to know that we've made it!!! My baby girl is FULL TERM! I've tried really hard to enjoy every moment of this pregnancy and the end will be very bittersweet because I know this is the last baby for me. I'm getting a little tired now, feet and hands are staying swollen and the overall miserable feeling has taken over. I know I just have a few more days to enjoy those flips and kicks in my belly though. It's an amazing feeling to have a little one inside of you moving around, knowing that you are giving her life. I'll miss that soon! I can't wait to meet her and love and cuddle her. I have so many mixed emotions going on right now. It's crazy! I must admit, I am kinda ready for that hospital stay, I'm ready to rest. I'm constantly on the go and haven't slowed down enough to catch my breath. I'm ready for to breath a minute. I'm worried about Sister and Hubs though. I know they will do fine without me but it's gonna be hard for me not to worry about them. I never did get those maternity shots that I wanted but I've got plenty of photos this time around. Bubba has taken my pic for me every few weeks and done a pretty amazing job. That's good enough for me! It won't be long now, I'll be a mommy of three!!!

My poor blog

It has been abandoned lately thanks to too much Farm Town, swollen feet, and just down right laziness. Thumper will be here soon!! I'm not exactly sure how soon but we know it's soon. The original plan was to go to the 30th of June. Now, I'll just be happy to make it past Sunday. I never thought that I'd make it to 37 weeks but I am ever so close. A lot of my fears and anxiety are over now. I made it! If my baby girl decides to come a little early at this point, she will be okay. There should be no extended stays in the NICU. No emergency C-secs where they knock me out and take my baby. I'm so proud of myself for making it this far. No one thought that I would. The only anxiety that I am having now is what about Sister? She's never been away from me at night, nor I without her. No one has ever put her to bed but her mommy. She loves her daddy and I know he will do the best that he can but..... I'm sure they will be fine, it will be me that misses her the most I am sure. I've never been away from her for more than a couple of hours and that was only while she was with her daddy. Will she think that I have abandoned her? Will she cry for me? I just don't know. I know that we will make it and everything will be okay but me being the control freak that I am, I can't help but worry about it. Bubba, he will be fine. He is big enough to take care of himself. The only thing I worry about him is what he is eating and if he is getting enough sleep. He's a good boy and I couldn't do it without him.

Hang in there Thumper, we are almost there baby girl!

The end is near

The end of school that is. I know a lot of parents dread the end of school and having their kids home all summer. Me, I love it! I like having my kids at home with me. Sure, there are times that I need to be alone or wish that Hubs would take them out for awhile but for the most part, I enjoy being with my kids as much as possible. I can't wait for Bubba to be home everyday with Sister and I. Once Baby Girl gets here, Bubba will be a big help to me. I remember how much help he was when Sister was born. He's a great big brother and I couldn't ask for more.

I guess losing my mom at such a young age really taught me to cherish every moment you have with your kids. My mom was taken from me way too soon! I took too many things for granted and there are so many things that I didn't get to say or do while she was still here. I guess that makes me realize, life is short. Our kids, they aren't kids for long. They grow up way too fast! I want to enjoy every moment of them that I can. I want to create memories that we all cherish. If something were to happen to me and God took me away, I want my kids to remember the time that I spent with them. I want them to know beyond a shadow of a doubt that I tried to be the best mom that I could be and my kids always come first. God was good enough to give them to me so I'm going to do my best to take care of them.

All too often I see parents pushing their kids away. Not realizing what they are missing. Not realizing how quickly they grow up. Bubba will be 11 in a couple of weeks and it just makes me sad. While I enjoy every new stage of his life and seeing him grow up, I also hate it. Time goes by so quickly and if we aren't careful we could miss out on a lot. I don't want to miss a thing!

Happy Birthday

Happy 52nd Birthday Mom!!! I love you, I miss you, and can't wait to see you on the other side!!!

Will it ever get easier?

I miss my mom so much! October 18th will be 10 years since she's been gone and I still miss her as much today as I did 10 years ago. I miss her smile, her laughter, even her yelling at me. What I wouldn't give for just one more day! It's so not fair that my kids will never know her. I can tell them about her and show them pictures of her but they will never know her.

She will never attend a birthday party or a baseball game. She'll never get to hear me say, "Mom, you were right!" My kids will never get to know her for the caring and loving person that she was. It wasn't until she was gone that I realized just how much she meant to me and just how much she sacrificed for her kids.

Life just isn't fair and it's so hard to understand sometimes. Some people live like the devil and live long lives and grow old. Others spend their lives taking care of others and making sacrifices just to die young and leave their loved ones behind. Was her job here done and He was ready for her to come home? Even that is hard for me to grasp. Her job here couldn't have been done because I need her. How it be her time to go when I need her so badly? I just don't understand.

The next couple of days will be tough for me. Today was Mother's Day and I had a really bad day. Tuesday will be her birthday. All I can think about is what I didn't do while she was still here. I never showed her just how important that she was to me. She doesn't know how much I truly appreciate her. I never got to tell her the things I feel in my heart. Oh what I wouldn't give for just one more day!